Mitt Romney, Cultural Imperialist

In honor of Mitt Romney’s new book debuting at the top of the New York Times bestseller list, here’s a tribute to a man who’s not afraid to argue the world is not flat, culturally speaking.

Cross-posted at Cultural Imperialist

romneyThe multiculturalism movement must be unmasked for the fraud that it is. There are superior cultures, and ours is one of them.” — Mitt Romney

There’s nothing more imperialistic than trashing other cultures, even if you’re not so ballsy as to name the runners-up, bronzes and Certificate of Participation recipients in the league of nations. That’s why past, current and probably future presidential candidate, former Massachusetts governor and Olympics hostess Mitt Romney is our Imperialist of the Week.

Everyone’s favorite flip-flopping Mormon has a new book, No Apology: The Case for American Greatness, which says President Obama is a foreign-policy pyro, providing “kindling” for anti-American fires burning around the world. Obama should talk more about “America’s values” and shun “the self-loathing of Western intellectuals,” which is to blame for the explosion of baby mamas and implosion of John Adams’ name-recognition (pre-Paul Giamatti), Romney says.

Mitt may be the greatest denigrator of The Non-American Way since P.J. O’Rourke’s brilliantly offensive “Foreigners of the World” study for National Lampoon. And there’s nothing more American than putting other people in their place. But why stop at A(Me)rica Against the World?

Some religions are better than others too. Southern Baptists are better than (in descending order) Pentecostals, Assemblies of God, Presbyterian Church in America, Free Methodists, Anglicans, Practicing Catholics, Mormons, Orthodox Jews, Lutherans-Missouri Synod, Sufi Muslims, African Methodist Episcopalians, American Baptists, Buddhists, Confucians, Hindus, Presbyterian Church USA, Conservative Jews, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Unitarians, Reform Jews, Animists, United Methodists, United Church of Christ, Shiites, Sunnis, Wahhabis, and Episcopalians. If you belong to a mainline, George Costanza’s “Opposite” religion is better than yours, because at least he believes what he’s peddling.

Mitt may not agree with my rankings, but he can’t argue with the premise. Some cultural mores are better than others – people who walk single file when passing, call women by their first names, use puns for mating purposes, spurn micro-enterprise, pronounce curses on snow, judge libertarians as attention-whore hedonists, elevate taco-shell bowls above Jimmy Carter, and tell kids to stop plagiarizing their parents’ taste in music.

That’s my right as an American, dammit – to tell you what’s what and possibly to draw pictures illustrating the demerits of your views. Show Mitt your appreciation by purchasing his latter-day golden plates of truth.

Author: GREG PIPER

I'm a tech journalist who's making a TV show about a college newspaper.

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15 Comments

  1. Greg -

    I know you are trying to show how -oh-so-sophisticated you are with your mocking tones, but you simply come of like a first year liberal arts student, able to mouth sophistries he simply does not have the ability to comprehend.

    Romney is right, and those like you that have to denigrate the speaking of realities are the ones who are wrong.

    I will give you some examples. Please, try to show me how more enlightened than me you are by disproving them:

    Cultures that support the trowing of acid in girls faces for going to school are less superior that those that do not.

    Cultures that kill people for being homosexual are less superior than those that do not.

    Cultures that support female genital mutilation are less superior than those that do not.

    Cultures that support the open assignation and jailing of political rivals are less superior than those that do not.

    Cultures that support the hacking off of children's limbs are less superior than those that do not.

    Cultures that use rape as a tactical weapon of war are less superior than those that do not.

    Cultures that commit genocide are less superior than those that do not.

    Cultures that rule via cults of personality are less superior than those that do not.

    Your turn.

  2. I agree fully with Shadenfreude_lives.

    Mr. Piper betrays a juvenile streak when he mocks Romney's religion. Unlike certain other candidates who indulge in religious hucksterism, Romney is quiet and private about his religion. In 2002 he made abundantly clear that he was not running as a Mormon, but as an American, and I am confident that if he runs again, it will be the same way.

    Political bashing is a great American sport — by all means bash away! Religious bashing is, well, dare I suggest . . . un-American?

    hthalljr'gmail'com

  3. This blog is hardly a “Moderate Voice”, the more I come on here the more I see the same tripe I see on the left day after day. The author is of course content to live in this country with it's culture but would he go and live in those other countries that he seems to think have an equal footing in a cultural sense? I doubt it.

  4. It's a tired refrain. The Evil USA — unless it can be made politically correct, and better still, Euro-Trashy.

    [yawn]

  5. I generally agree with the previous comments. However, my only caveat is that Mitt seems to be (I don't know the context, and Greg doesn't give us much of it either) talking about multiculturalism in the US, not cultures outside of the US. Yes, some cultures outside the US have abhorrent practices, but American multiculturalism, from what I've seen, doesn't embrace those practices. I have never met any liberal who would excuse such practices on grounds of tolerance of other cultures.

    So, it's a mixed bag. I agree with Mitt insofar as we should celebrate many aspects of American culture and offer “no apologies” for them, but I would not have framed it as an attack on multiculturalism. Again, I must say that I don't know the context and so I don't know if I'm being too harsh or not harsh enough.

    As for the religion-bashing, as a Mormon I've learned to ignore it, so I'll take your attempt at humor with a spoonful of sugar. At least Mormons aren't on the bottom of your list.:)

  6. adelinesdad -

    Ah, but it is part of the culture of America to BE multi-cultural, and internally accepting of most cultures that do no harm (yes, semi-circular logic, I know) . But that is not true in many other cultures.

    I should have added that to my list.

  7. I'm having trouble figuring out how you didn't just contradict yourself. Let me rephrase what you just said, so that you can clarify:

    You are defending Romney for attacking multiculturalism by saying that our culture is superior, partly because we are accepting of other cultures. I actually agree, but that contradicts Romney and supports my point: that American culture should be celebrated, but not by attacking multiculturalism, which as you said is actually part of American culture.

    Where do I have that wrong?

  8. It was difficult to explain in few words and was circular as I said.

    However, in brief, I should have distinguished between the concept of multiculturalism as defined by being accepting of non-destructive secondary cultures assimilating and co-existing within our own, and multiculturalism as defined as claiming moral relativism between all cultures.

    It is the second definition that Romney was criticizing, and on that I agree with him. I also point you back to my initial post, which neither Greg or anyone else has been willing to refute.

  9. Yes, that makes sense. So, it comes down to a question of semantics: what
    did Romney mean by “muliticulturalism movement”? I'm guessing if we could
    see the context we would see a more detailed explanation of what he means by
    that.

  10. I'm terribly amused that you folks seem to think I'm a liberal. Anyone's religion is fodder for jokes – I'm a conservative Presbyterian and I'm sure there's a punchline for it. But the point is I don't believe that any culture is off-limits for criticism. The flip side is you're free to say your own is least deserving of criticism.

  11. I never said you were liberal. I said you sounded like a first-year liberal arts student.

    And any reply to my actual examples? I thought not.

  12. I agree that people can often be over-sensitive about these things. That's why I tried to give a light-hearted response and not get heated about it.

    However, I'd just add that there is a fine line between poking fun and mocking. So, just as you say we should not overreact, care should also be taken that we don't cross the line. I don't know if you crossed that line, but I'm just making a general point.

  13. Your first comment asks Greg to disprove some sample statements, which seems to imply you think Greg is mocking Romney's unapologetic pro-American stance (and thus subscribes to sophomoric liberal arts philosophies). As far as I can tell by reading Greg's past posts, as well as knowing him personally, I think he's actually applauding Romney's bullish response to the multi-cultural notion that all cultures are equal. Just because Greg mocks Romney's religion doesn't mean he's not in favor of imposing one's values on perceived inferior cultures.

    But maybe I'm wrong.

  14. I figured there was no response possible to your examples because you misunderstood my point, which is that yes, some cultures are better than others. Just like Romney said. So I don't think we disagree.

  15. Wow. I went back and re-read your post, and I still have a hard time reading it as you say you intended.

    However, you know what you meant, I take you at your word. Sorry for not see that it was snark.

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