Some Useful Wall Street Definitions
These days many people are confused by economic reports for a very simple reason: The terms employed by pundits don’t comport well with their traditional meanings. So here’s a dozen updated definitions that will allow you to better understand what’s been going on in the markets.
Economic Recovery — A period when things get worse more slowly between two periods when they get worse very quickly.
Jobless Recovery — An oxymoron rather like “sickly health,” currently much favored by economists who still have their own jobs.
Wall Street — A very wealthy, sparsely populated gated community surrounded by very angry hoards of people living in much diminished economic circumstances.
Analyst Expectations — Guesses made by people whose estimates are much welcomed and heralded when exceeded, but largely ignored at all other times.
Bonuses — Contractual obligations that reward the undeserving, these days often disguised as increased salaries, stock options, exceedingly generous pension benefits, or temporary fellowships at the U.S. Treasury.
The Street’s Best And Brightest — Neither.
The New Normal — The old poor.
Recession Stock Rally — A kind of financial road race in which all the drivers end up winning while most owners end up with big loses.
Ben, Larry & Tim — The present day version of Moe, Larry and Curly in business suits.
Regulatory Reform — Changed requirements so watered down and riddled with loopholes that the economic recovery (see definition above) now being brought about by The Street’s best and brightest (see definition above) isn’t hindered by economic reality (see definition below).
Lagging Indicators — Economic benchmarks whose importance is downgraded lest they tell a tale different from the indicators being used by officialdom to spin a happier scenario.
Economic Reality — The morning after when everyone says: “next time we won’t believe that this time it’s different.”
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8 Responses to “Some Useful Wall Street Definitions”
if those weren't the real definitions these days that would be damned funny. alas they're more tragic than anything.
some clown on CNBS [aka cnbc] this morning gave bernanke a grade of 'F' on his handling of the economy when asked if he would like to see him keep his job. can you believe that? an F! how on earth did he earn an F?!?! i mean, unless the last decade forms the substance of subsequent doctoral studies in chaos, depression and depravity or something. then he merits a good grade. otherwise i can't see how on earth he made it up to 'F'.
besides, the recession is over … didn't you get the memo?
cheers
Beautiful. I loved the definition of “Regulatory Reform”. Of course, the biggest problem that we had with the regulations was the fact that they weren't being enforced. Fluffy the rock goes to Washington.
Gentlemen and ladies, please, you are laughing at your masters, the true powers behind the throne.
This could lead us into really dangerous territory, questioning if the economic policies we have followed for the last thirty years, while providing unparalleled wealth for the wealthiest, might also have produced the economic mess we find ourselves in now. Please close your eyes again, go back to sleep, don't pay any attention to the man behind the curtain. Keep chanting, the free enterprise system will provide the greatest good for society.
Not you too. You say in one sentence that they are “the true powers behind the throne”, that is, that they control or influence the government, which we know means that the government feeds them. Then you say that this is “free enterprise”. If the government feeds it, or it feeds the government, then it isn't free.
The original post stuck me as being a little light hearted and I was trying to follow. I obviously failed.
I often make fun of the kind of “Whole Foods” idea that there is some natural, organic free enterprise system ready to unleash a bounty for all if we just let it by not interfering. To truly accept this you must believe that an economy can exist independently of the society it is in and that society's government. This is more than three degrees of naive.
Needless to say I was using the term free enterprise system a bit ironically.
The powers behind the throne are the winners under the current set of. the government's economic policies, the large corporations and the wealthy. They would be the last to vote for a truly free system, if that were even possible or desirable.
'my fault. I'm a little to sensitive to this sort of thing sometimes.
Michael, thanks for the great post!
Where have you been?