Please let this be a parody, please let this be a parody, oh God, it’s not a parody…

The dear friends at Focus on the Family have brought us a helpful checklist to determine whether your pre-pubescent son is gay. Since our readers tend to be pinko-commie-liberals, and it’s my patriotic duty to save their children from gayness (they of course, don’t care, because non-Christian Fundamentalist hate children. And families. And puppies. And rainbows), I will share the glorious enlightenment of Dr. Dobson, et al.. So, for all the concerned parents out there, here it is–the telltale signs of a gay son:

1. A strong feeling that they are “different” from other boys.
2. A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.
3. A persistent preference to play female roles in make-believe play.
4. A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and participate in their games and other pastimes.
5. A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease them unmercifully and call them “queer,” “fag” and “gay.”
6. A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even “think” effeminately.
7. A repeatedly stated desire to be — or insistence that he is — a girl.

So, if your kid doesn’t like beating his friends senseless, and/or associates with the cootie-infested GIRL (“EWWWWWWWWW”), he’s gay. Phew! Glad I got that straight (I love, by the way, how bullying isn’t condemned but is treating like a useful early-warning system for gayness. Take that, “Gay-dar”!).

While incredibly enough this isn’t a parody, it sure is good good fodder for one. But really, what planet are these guys on.

Obsidian Wings gets the tip for today’s “what the Devil…” moment.

UPDATE: Oh, Daniel Drezner. We hardly knew ye.