The GOP’s Pharmaceutical View of the Stimulus Plan

Having just watched the stimulus bill clear what is hopefully the last hurdle on its way to passage in the Senate tomorrow, I feel like the seriously ill patient who has just been prescribed a medicine that has a good chance of bringing him back to good health.

And so it’s no surprise that I look upon the stimulus plan as a medicine prescribed by a physician to a very sick patient.

The physician is the Obama administration and the patient, of course, is the American economy—the American people.

And, by the way—you guessed it—the disease is called “Stimulitis.”

In my analogy, the medicine—let‘s call it “Stimulactone”—is a prescription medicine intended to jolt our economy back to health through effective doses of jobs creation, fair tax policies, and through sound investments in health, education, energy, repair of our crumbling infrastructure, etc.

The fierce GOP opposition to the stimulus legislation appears to me very similar to the pharmaceutical industry’s ten-page long, “patient information” dire warnings pamphlet accompanying most prescription medicines.

The following could very well be the GOP dire warnings accompanying Stimulactone:

Who should not take STIMULACTONE?

Do not take STIMULACTONE if you are a Republican, Conservative, or have had an allergic reaction to—you guessed it again—DEMOCRATDOTE or any of its ingredients.

What are the possible side effects of STIMULACTONE?

The most common side effects of STIMULACTONE include:

A bigger government and serious dependency effects
Stymieing of free enterprise and entrepreneurship
Redistribution of wealth
Explosion of the debt
And, of course, higher taxes

When STIMULACTONE is used in combination with other experimental drugs, such as banks, automobile industry, and home mortgage BAILOUTONE, serious adverse reactions can be experienced, including (another) depression, rampant Socialism and, in some cases, the total collapse of our social, political, and economic systems…

These are not all the side effects with STIMULACTONE. Listen to Fox’s Sean Hannity for a comprehensive list of all possible side effects—real and imaginary.

In the event of an accidental economic erection correction that persists longer than 4 hours, seek immediate medical assistance—Talk to your GOP doctor, Rush Limbaugh.

Dosage and Administration:

STIMULACTONE should NOT be taken in any dosage, at any time, regardless of what the current Administration prescribes.

As with all bad medicines, keep STIMULACTONE out of your medicine cabinet, and discard properly, i.e. send it back to committee, filibuster, whatever…