Penn Jillette, Bob Barr and the Jerome Horowitz theory of government

Are Glenn Beck and Penn Jillette ready to endorse Bob Barr for president? Well, maybe not quite yet today, but after last night’s Glenn Beck program, I’d say they’re both getting close. If you didn’t get a chance to check out the show (even if you’re not normally a big fan of Beck) then definitely check out the transcript of his interview with Jillette at the link above. First, you might think that Beck would be supporting John McCain by default. You would be mistaken.

I mean, we`ve got some great choices, don`t we? One candidate is especially a socialist while the other one I would call a conservative socialist. He`s pro-life, but pro-global warming. He wants to keep the troops in Iraq but also keep our borders open. He wants to drill offshore, but not in Alaska. What the — what?

That leaves me not only without any candidate, but also without any excitement whatsoever. It`s kind of like being back at the concession stand and they`re out of the Raisinettes and the Goobers, and your wife is with you, and all they’ve got there in the counter is raw eggplant and tofu.

When Beck gets Jillette on the air, we see them talking about an alternative to the two party system.

BECK: Here is the — here is the thing, man. We are being held hostage by — by both parties. They are taking us to the same damn place.

JILLETTE: But you`re buying into it. You`re not part of the solution, Glenn. You`re part of the problem. You`re giving them that there`s only these two choices. All the American people have to decide is they want a different choice and someone else can win. Nowhere in the rules does it say it has to be one of those two.

BECK: Penn, I will tell you now. I mean, Jesus could come back before November, so I`m not making any promises, but I would bet almost everything I have at this point, there`s no way I`m going to vote for one of these two clowns. And I am going to vote. I will find a third party, but I haven`t found my guy yet. Have you?

JILLETTE: Well, you know, Bob Barr came to our show out here in Vegas the other night. And he was — he was wonderful to talk to. And he was closer — at least he actually wants smaller government.

This brings us to the Jerome Horowitz theory of government. In case you don’t recognize that name, Penn Jillette explains it for you.

I always want to go back to – - you know, the Jerome Horowitz theory of government. You know, Jerome Horowitz, better known as Curly Howard of “The Three Stooges.” Jerome Horowitz would be given a choice. Moe Howard would say pick two and hold out his fingers. And then Curly would pick two, and no matter which two fingers he picks, he`d always get poked in the eye.

As long as you pick two, you are Jerome Horowitz. You are Curly Howard.

It’s not often that you see me quoting Glenn Beck. Frankly, there are many times – particularly when he gets to talking about foreign policy or immigration – when I just want to start chucking soda cans at the television. But when he begins talking about federal spending, taxes and the growth of the government at all levels, I find a kindred soul. He discussed at length the situation in New York and New Jersey where we currently have Democratic governors (did you catch that? Democrats!) pleading with the state legislatures to cut spending and reduce the burden on the citizens. Yet the requests fall on deaf ears. Spending here in the Empire State has risen 71% in the last ten years, and New Jersey recently passed New York for the highest state and local tax burden on citizens.

We live in a time of record deficits, a federal debt which has already grown to numbers unimaginable by the average worker, and major party candidates who show no lack of appetite for running up the bill even further. You may still feel that a vote for a third party candidate is a “waste of a vote” or won’t change anything. Really? Here… pick two fingers.