End of World Postponed. You may return to work.

Following the release of a safety report on the Large Hadron Collider, it appears that the world’s largest particle accelerator is on track to begin operations next summer. This comes in spite of fears on the part of some observers that it could create miniature black holes which could destroy the planet.

Europe’s CERN particle-physics lab has issued its long-awaited report on safety issues surrounding the Large Hadron Collider, the world’s biggest and most expensive atom-smasher. Some have feared that when the collider reaches full power, sometime next year, it might create microscopic black holes or other exotic phenomena that could endanger Earth. The new report, like earlier safety studies, rules out the possibility of global danger.

I can only dream of being smart enough to give an informed opinion on this question, so I’m going to have to go with the safety experts and take them at their word. Of course, the idea of creating a black hole of any size here on the face of the planet is somewhat disquieting. A stable black hole on Earth’s surface would, according to some of those objecting, consume the entire planet in a matter of days and eventually eat the solar system.

But hey, look on the bright side. If the whole experiment does go south, you’ll have very little time to worry about it, and the view should be spectacular! And, as an added bonus, none of you will need to worry about losing the election this fall. Cheers!

UPDATE: See Part Two of this series.