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As I watched former Vice President Dick Cheney this morning tell NBC’s “Meet the Press” Chuck Todd how good he felt about the torture that was done in his name — and don’t forget, “that the president authorized” — my heart swelled with good ole American pride.
I love the Vice-President’s certitude, bravado and machismo. He may have had other priorities during the Vietnam War, but he certainly would have held his ground — right or wrong.
Just consider these remarks about the righteousness and correctness of the CIA’s “enhanced interrogation techniques”:
• Absolutely [no seed of doubt]
• It worked. It absolutely did work.
• I’d do it again in a minute.
While some may say that Cheney was throwing President Bush under the bus (under the whole fleet of White House limousines, others may say), Mr. Cheney was just being honest — on this one:
• The notion that we were not notified at the White House about what was going on is not true.
• The suggestion, for example, that the president didn’t approve it, wrong. That’s a lie, that’s not true.
• [The president] was briefed.
• He authorized it, he approved it. A statement by the Senate Democrats for partisan purposes that the president didn’t know what was going on is just a flat out lie.
I meant to comment on Mr. Cheney’s remarks, but I was so touched, transfixed, by his words that I waited for a few hours.
Well, in the meantime, Andy Borowitz at the New Yorker beat me to it.
Anyway, who would not rather read his take on Mr. Cheney’s appearance on this morning’s NBC’s “Meet the Press.”
So, without any further ado, here is Borowitz’ Report on Mr. Cheney:
In an appearance on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” on Sunday, former Vice-President Dick Cheney told host Chuck Todd that he was “sick and tired of Americans being ashamed of our beautiful legacy of torture” and that he was organizing the first “National Torture-Pride March” to take place in Washington in January.
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“This is a chance for all of us torturers to say, ‘Look at us, this is who we are,’” Cheney, who will be the Grand Marshall of the parade, said.
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The former Vice-President said that he was organizing the march to inspire “the millions of American kids who want to be torturers when they grow up but are afraid they’ll catch hell for it.”
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“We’ll be there to say, ‘We’re torturers and we’re damn proud of it—join us,’” Cheney said.
Don’t believe it? Read it here.
Lead image: www.shutterstock.com
