President Cain Receives the Dreaded 3 A.M. Call
Nov 15th, 2011 | 9 responses
It’s February 2013. It’s 3 A.M.
The phone rings in the President’s bedroom — it has an urgent ring.
Finally the President picks up the phone.
The voice of his National Security Advisor, John Bolton: “Mr. President, we have a serious situation developing in Asia.”
The President: “Asia? Which Asia? Can’t you be more specific than that …”
Bolton: “In China, Mr. President.”
The President: “So, why call me at three in the morning. Didn’t I tell you, China does not have a nuclear capability…”
Bolton: “Well, Mr. President, China is threatening Tajikistan over …”
President [Interrupting]: “Holy pizzas! I knew Uz-beki-beki-beki-stan would become a problem for me.”
Bolton: “No, not Uz-beki-beki-beki-stan, Ta-jiki-jiki-jiki-stan…”
There is a pregnant two-minute pause, during which the First Lady wakes up.
The First Lady: “Herman, is that the Bialek woman again?”
The President: “Uh, nope, darling. It’s not Bialek, it’s Ta-jiki-jiki-jiki-stan…”
The First Lady: “Well, tell Jiki to go 9-9-9 herself”
Bolton: “I don’t think that would be advisable, Mr. President, Russia is taking Ta-jiki-jiki-jiki-stan’s side and things could get nasty …”
President [Interrupting]: “I wasn’t talking to you Bolton, I got more important things to deal with here …” Voice fading: “Listen, honey, I thought we had reached an understanding, you help me with the whitewash and I get you the White House…”
President [to Bolton]: “Specifically what are you asking me, which stan are we talking about?”
First Lady: “Oh, it’s a ‘Stan’ now. Will this nightmare never end?”
Bolton [Interrupting]: “Mr. President, I suggest we nuke Ta-jiki-jiki-jiki-stan into oblivion, problem solved.”
The President: “What would Libya say about this?”
Bolton [sounding flustered]: “Damn it, Mr. President. I have told you a million times what and where Libya is — it is thousands of miles away from Uz-beki-jiki-stan…”
First Lady: “Herman, I have told you to stay away from Lidya…”
President: “No, darling it is Libya, not Lidya…and, Bolton, listen here: President Cain will first make sure that he’s making the right decision based upon all of the information … If it’s an act of war, and the evidence suggests that, then President Cain is going to consult with his advisers and say, ‘What are our options,’ and then President Cain will get a new National Security Advisor and consult with him — or her…”
First Lady: “The hell you are getting a woman National Security Advisor … over my dead body!”
The President: “Well, I’ll get some advice on that, too, and then I’ll decide on the latter. For now I am going back to sleep, see if I can get all this stuff twirling around in my head to untwirl. Give Pizza a chance!”
9 Responses to “President Cain Receives the Dreaded 3 A.M. Call”
Yep! That’s the reason the GOP will not nominate him. If they did, your above dialogue would probably hit Youtube in a matter of seconds.
The President: “Asia? Which Asia? Can’t you be more specific than that …”
Kind of ironic given our current president’s latest gaffe.
I agree Cain isn’t ready (and likely won’t ever be) but I find this kind of snark a bit over the top and also find it silly to use gaffes against politicians because it’s like holding a typo against a writer. Everyone goofs, especially when tired.
Ok Dorian what did I do this time?
Allen,
Actually, I forgot to thank you for the “Give Pizza a chance!” idea.
Give peace a chance—-> Give pizza a chance….get it…get it…?
LOL
See Dorian, you are not an objective person. You have removed two of my very inspiring and uplifting posts, directly related to topic, for reasons that no rational Liberal could possibly understand. You may be an American but you are certainly no Democrat.
Allen says:
“You have removed two of my very inspiring and uplifting posts, directly related to topic…”
Please clarify your comment, Allen.
The only comments I have ever removed are two recent ones by Marc Nuckols.
Are you perhaps him?
If any of your “posts” have been removed, please take it up with Dr. E.
And please don’t determine my political affiliation
Dorian, then I apologize. No I am not McNuckols, (good grief). Surely you must have seen my two posts? I don’t believe that I have broken any rules. I’m just at a loss. I certainly concede that this blog benefits me more than the blog, because it is a place for me to learn. Well so it goes. If people here don’t want me posting there is nothing I can do about it. I will go away.
Allen Says:
“Surely you must have seen my two posts?”
Again, and for the last time, Allen, I have not deleted any of your posts, nor seen any posts that eventually disappeared.
In order for me at least try to understand why someone may have deleted your posts, tell me at least what they were about, in as much detail as you can remember.
What did they say? Where they posted at all? When did you post them? When did they disappear? On what thread?