This Guest Voice column is by Karen Werve Grant, an attorney who now heads a writing company and is a volunteer in the Obama Organizing Fellows program.
WHY HILLARY LOST
by Karen Werve Grant
In her pursuit of the Democratic nomination for President of the United States, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton fought her way into a corner that must have looked familiar to her, and to many women who label themselves as “fighters.” I know because I am one.
As a fighter, I know that fighters are prized for their killer instinct, strategic and tactical diversity, drive and determination, indefatigability and “never say die” commitment. There is also the intimidation factor. Many people refuse to fight with someone who refuses to lose. And we fighters can be fearsome, even in defeat. As I used to say to certain opponents, “I may lose, but you will know you have been fought with.” Senator Clinton probably knows what I am talking about. It sets her and me apart from meeker women, and quite often enables us to achieve what others cannot.
But, even though I am a soul mate, I did not vote for Senator Clinton. She would have made a good Democratic nominee and a good president. The country needs change, and a fighter can bring change, but fighting brings many other things with it that are not so attractive. I am tired of the fighting and apparently, I am not alone.
For one thing, fighting is always a win/lose proposition. To avoid being on the losing side, fighters will do almost anything to win. There is rarely a middle ground, and if there is, the fighter is the one who defines it, in her own terms, which is a loss in itself. Fighting creates enemies – people who want to fight back. Fighting begets more fighting. And so the story goes.
It is not Hillary’s or my fault. It is how we grew up. Fighting is what we learned and what we know. It accounts for our incremental success, and whatever power we acquired, which is seductive to us women. But, too often it also accounts for our losses. A great strength can quickly become an even greater weakness.
Accepting loss was anathema to Senator Clinton. Her will to do anything to avoid losing, even when she had already lost, was the most depressing kind of leadership. Fighting on had reached a point of diminishing return, but Hillary Clinton refused to admit it, as if that alone would void the reality. Senator Clinton, who had successfully fought her way to the top as a contender in the top contest, ultimately lost the race for the nomination precisely because she is a fighter. But only because she ran against someone who offered a better way.
Senator Obama’s win showed me that while a good fighter can make things happen, if I have a choice, I will choose the avenue of unity and reconciliation every time. Many like me are just plain exhausted from eight years of the divisiveness of the Bush Regime. We want change, yes, and if necessary, we will fight for it, just to avoid another four years of Bush policies. But if we can accomplish change without the win/lose approach, without the polarization, if we can get it by listening and hearing from all sides, from inclusion instead of exclusion, from thoughtfully weighing alternatives and collectively weaving elegant solutions to thorny problems, well, many of us would prefer that.
Barack Obama offered this contrast as a way to achieve practically the same results as Hillary Clinton. His label is “uniter,” not “fighter.” He convinced me that unity and hope are more than some tactic he thought up, that he recognizes the value of diversity and inclusion, that he wants to understand and consider disparate ideas rather than dismiss them out of hand. I’ve seen him take the high road when responding to media quotes of something Hillary allegedly said, choosing to accept on its face a given explanation, as opposed to wagging his finger, chastising or dwelling on the negative. This, in my view, separates him from Hillary and me.
Why did we become fighters, Hillary and me? Maybe because as women we have always felt a need to prove something – namely, that we are not less. Women are born feeling like they are less, and giving up the fight means accepting that status. Without the fight, we disappear. Without the fight, we don’t exist. Out of that fear comes the fight. But fighting, it turns out, is a choice. There are other means to achieving the same results we all want. Senator Obama showed us another way that I liked better.
I love you, Hillary, but it’s as simple as that.
Karen Werve Grant is a supporter of women’s rights and a volunteer in the Obama Organizing Fellows program. She spent many years as attorney serving low-income clients. She currently heads a professional writing outsource company in San Diego.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.