Now it’s time to return to Silverstein Family’s Pledge Cental. Mike Silverstein, how are things going over there?
A little slow, Sylvia. And frankly, I’m disappointed. We only ask for financial help from our freinds and neighbors five or six times a year. But the phones are pretty quiet now.
Can I interrupt you for a second, Mike?
Certainly, Sylvia.
As Mike has been saying, we can’t get along without your help. We can’t continue to do the things we do, the things so many people expect us to do, unless we get a regular infusion of cash from people like you. Mike won’t be as laid back on his job every day, and do the work that’s so important to his employer and his colleagues. I can’t run a happy house and get the kids ready for school — a place where they make their own contributions to the community. Even little Rambo, our cat, will be hard-pressed to carry on her own pet duties. We need your help. We need it now. We count on your pledges during these pledge drives. And we know you won’t let us down.
If I can stop you there for a second, Sylvia.
Go ahead Mike.
You know we probably could get by doing what other families do. We could earn and save and maybe borrow a little on our credit cards. But that’s not the kind of people we are. And we know that’s not the kind of people you want us to be.
Just consider the important things the Silverstein family has done for others in just the last year. Fred from next door, you remember the lawn mower I loaned you? And Marcia from up the block, that night your kid slept over at our place because you had a hot date with your supervisor. You called us a 11 p.m. and said you couldn’t pick them up until the next morning. We were there for you, Marcia. The school board meetings we attend. The endless complaints we listen to from business associates. Doesn’t all this count for something? We need your help to carry on with this important work. We need it NOW. We need you to reach for the phone, to call us, to make that pledge. NOW!
Can I just add something, Mike?
Of course, Sylvia.
This is one time when giving is a two-way street. With every $25 pledge you’ll get a “Silverstein Family Sings Its Christmas Favorites” CD. For a $50 pledge you’ll receive a Silverstein Family beach umbrella. And for a $100 pledge you or your daughter will receive a coupon that entitles you to a weekend stay at the Cleveland YWCA.
Don’t forget those corporate challenge grants. Sylvia.
Not on your life, Mike. Every $250 pledge made by folks like you will be matched by the Chain Smoker’s Foundation — chain smoking, an adult pleasure for gutsy adults who take their pleasures while they still can.
Oops. I hear the phone ringing, Sylvia. And it’s almost time for us to get back to our regular lives. Just 12 more calls and we’ll do just that. Please, please, please don’t force us to get commercial. Don’t force us to become crass. Don’t force us to beg. The hell with the Cancer Society. Screw Oxfam, they haven’t helped anyone you know personally. It’s us that really needs your money. We deserve it. Good friends, good neighbors, are worth supporting. Call in that pledge. Call it in. NOW!