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Update:
Now that military actor-expert and “karate king” Chuck Norris has added his voice to the chorus of conspiracy theorists that the upcoming U.S. Special Forces exercise is indeed “a government ruse to impose martial law over several states including Texas” there is absolutely no longer any doubt.
Texans, pack your bags and get out of Dodge, or else…
Read more here
Original Post:
We have all heard, read and seen in stunned and incredulous amazement the reports from Texas that the planned eight-week U.S. military exercises this summer — named Jade Helm 15 — are really intended to take away Texans’ constitutional rights and civil liberties, to impose martial law in Texas and, ultimately, to militarily take over the Great State of Texas.
The new Texas governor, Greg Abbott, further fueled these outrageous rumors by ordering the Texas State Guard to keep an eye on the U.S. military during the upcoming exercises.
Abbott, in an April 28 letter to Major Gen. Gerald “Jake” Betty, commander of the Texas Guard: “It is important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed…”
It has gotten so bad that the Department of Defense — the United States military which has been protecting all of these United States, including Texas, for 150 years and whose members have made the ultimate sacrifice a hundred-thousand-fold for all Americans, including Texans — had to send out military briefers to calm the citizenry and had to make promises such as “We are not taking over anything.”
On Monday, Abbott told reporters that he had been provided assurances by our nation’s military that “there is nothing for the public to worry about.”
Phew, what a relief!
However, now it turns out that residents of the capital of Texas — an island of liberalism in a sea of red — are facing a “deepening humanitarian crisis” as a result of being completely surrounded by Texas.
The inimitable satirist, Andy Borowitz, describes the “dire” situation this way:
Austin has traditionally enjoyed freedoms as a semi-autonomous region, hosting film festivals and literary events without the interference of its hostile neighbors, but there are growing fears that those days may be coming to an end.
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But now that “extremists within the city limits have taken over the Capitol Building and installed a militant government with dominion over its residents,” Austin is making “desperate requests for assistance” to the same U.S. military which allegedly will be occupying Texas this summer.
Borowitz continues: “The city is hoping that the United States will use its military might to liberate the isolated municipality and transform it into an independent state along the lines of Kurdistan.”
It thus appears that the imminent military occupation of Texas by the U.S. military, albeit a blow to Texas independence, could be a blessing for its capital and may help to keep Austin weird after all.
Read more of Borowitz’ excellent and timely satire piece here.
CODA (Added):
“Keep Austin Weird” is a slogan originally adopted by the Austin Independent Business Alliance to promote small, local businesses in Austin and was inspired in 2000 by Red Wassenich, an Austin Community College librarian, who was frustrated that “Austin had been moving away from its funkier roots.”
It has now become Austin’s unofficial motto reflecting the residents’ desire to keep the city’s character unique, artsy and “weird.” It is “a clarion call for residents to support local businesses and everything indie, to say no to big corporations or whomever Austinites suspect of attempting to package their scruffy ‘slacker-factor’ authenticity…”
Source: “Keeping it Weird in Austin, Texas – Aren’t the residents of the proudly hip city of Austin, Texas, just traditionalists at heart?”
Lead photo: As seen through a night-vision device, Army Special Forces members review the mission during a training exercise on Eglin Range, Fla. The members were visiting Hurlburt Field for a two-week training course in Nov. 2013. U.S. Air Force file photo by Senior Airman Christopher Callaway
The author is a retired U.S. Air Force officer and a writer.