From David Letterman:
10. Post office wall has several photos of you sleeping
9. Your houseplant occasionally sneezes
8. Domino’s keeps delivering to unmarked van parked across the street
7. Birthday card from your mom has several words blacked out
6. You get nominated for “Outstanding Lead Performance in an NSA Surveillance Video”
5. Your dishwasher functions are “Wash,” “Rinse” and “Record”
4. Local news only reporting things that happen in your living room
3. Every time you say goodbye on the phone, you hear a strange voice say, “Roger that, Chico”
2. You googled a recipe for humus and the FBI raided your house
1. Suddenly discover there’s an antenna bolted to your ass
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.