A month ago on December 7, 2009, I wrote a post about the professional Golfer extraordinaire that upset some TMV readers. Good. I like plenty of controversy and getting people mad – something that I learned to abuse to the benefit of my clients during my former law practice.
I ranted against the overall meaningless ethical and moral code of the wealthiest people on the planet. I also ridiculed the many gold-diggers, his spouse, and Tiger himself. Everyone deserves to be pushed off their pedestals – particularly our public leaders and celebrities.
RELIGIOUS CONVERSION & REDEMPTION
Political commentator Brit Hume has recently suggested that Tiger should publicly convert to Christianity to improve his standing among the American people and possibly with the Almighty himself because this religion focuses on forgiveness and eternal redemption. Considering that Tiger has preferred to maintain a gaggle of women, joining Islam or an obscure polygamous Mormon sect might be more appropriate. Most major global religions, including Buddhism, do not condone extra-marital affairs.
Forgiveness, mercy, and redemption are not only found in Christianity. Many religions retain and promote similar concepts completely separate and apart from the life, teachings, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The important religious and secular concept of forgiveness works for many people injured by others. Such a magnanimous approach permits them to move on. Holding anger towards others is just not good for any person’s religious, psychological, emotional or even physical health. This applies equally to all Christians, Moslems, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and atheists.
However, humanity generally pursues the opposite of forgiveness and mercy towards others. Holding grudges, pursuing revenge, retaliating incessantly, and living in the past are universally popular activities. The concept of forgiveness is more for Mrs. Woods to consider over the next few months. Many religions have similar jokes noting that mercy and forgiveness are essentially Divine attributes thus they are not possible between humans. Tiger’s ego can easily forgive himself – he’s only superhuman with a really big bank account and an “aw-shucks” smile.
WHAT IS AN ADDICTION?
An addiction is a real physical and mental condition in which the person cannot stop doing something that is destructive and harmful personally or to others. The addiction takes over the person’s life including most of his money and time, replacing other people and activities. Obvious addictions include those involving drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, food and the Internet. Sex is something else and in certain limited circumstances may constitute an addiction but I don’t think Tiger suffers from it. Tiger could certainly afford his women. His golf game and bank accounts did not appear to suffer as a result of his alleged sexual addiction. Losing the lucrative endorsements of different companies has not yet impoverished Tiger.
I really don’t think “sex addiction” is a legitimate disease, condition or illness – except for the chronically wealthy. My prior post on Mr. Woods suggested he was “Man Unbound” because there were no limitations on his behavior from any ethical, financial, or logistic perspectives. Most powerful and wealthy human beings generally operate on another moral and ethical code from the rest of us. Those who decry that fact are foolishly spitting in the wind.
UNREALISTIC VIEWS ON MATRIMONIAL MONOGAMY
If Tiger had screwed the same number of women as a single or divorced man, there would be no moral outrage and no losses of corporate sponsorships – only more kudos for being one of the supreme alpha males of our time. But if he’s married, it qualifies as some sort of sex addiction? Please, I’m dying of laughter here and so should any person who understands the world and human nature. What comes with marriage is an expectation of self control and fidelity but failures in those two areas do not automatically constitute an addiction to sex.
Europeans sometimes go overboard with their feigned superiority in all things sexual vis-à-vis America. Having lived, studied and traveled on numerous occasions in many European countries, their general attitude is more open with respect to pre-marital sex and far more rational with respect to contraceptives. Most European countries do not have anywhere the high numbers of unmarried teenage pregnancies or abortions that plague the U.S. “Abstinence Only” programs were complete jokes and I’m glad that we are steadily abandoning them for our children.
I really don’t know any European friends and acquaintances that condone extra-marital affairs but they understand such things happen. In many cases they might be faster to forgive them and move on, even though they hurt as much as an American in the same situation. Europeans may have a more mature view on sexual fidelity but that does not mean the Continent is rife with infidelity to any greater extent than it occurs on all other continents.
Too many Americans expect an impossible level of fidelity in their marriages and go ballistic when they discover any evidence of possible infidelity, even if it does not constitute sexual intercourse. Many Americans scream infidelity if a married person is hooked on Internet porn, visits too many strip clubs where there only is simulated sex and teasing, or gets emotionally involved with another person. Perhaps our juvenile attitude on fidelity and many other aspects of life explains our amazingly high divorce rate.
It may be due to my legal background but similar over-reaching has occurred in the area of rape when it has been claimed so frequently in circumstances that legally do not qualify as rape. Thus the many legitimate cases of rape are not believed, reported or fully prosecuted, hurting everyone in society. The story of the boy who cried wolf comes to mind.
Many Americans get trapped by real addictions and then forget their spouses, naturally leading the ignored spouse to seek emotional and physical satisfaction elsewhere. Many angry American wives upon discovering their husbands have had an affair decide to punish their spouses by cutting off all sex – permanently – even though they were far from virgins before marriage. That response only reinforces the drift to divorce. It is often more ironic when that same wife was secretly having an affair with another. That fact is conveniently ignored because it was not discovered first. It really gets messy in the ensuing divorce proceedings when all that crap eventually comes out. I’ve heard and see too many real-life stories as a former attorney to look upon this whole marriage fidelity ideal without a very jaded attitude.
I KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT
Whether a person screws one person multiple times in a week, or screws multiple persons during the same week, within or outside marriage, may or may not qualify as something unusual. It need not fall within the category of addiction. Two people in love can do a lot of lovemaking in any 24-hour period but that’s often considered just a cute normal “addiction” or “obsession” of most new lovers or newlyweds. Change that “couple” to an unstable sex-starved person stalking another unwilling and scared person, the relationship falls into the realm of dangerous obsession and criminal behavior. Where do we draw the lines with addictions and obsessions?
Justice Potter Stewart of the U.S. Supreme Court was once asked to define “pornography.” His famous response was “I know it when I see it” – and that is still the law of the land. The same probably holds true for all sorts of addictive, obsessive, deviant or excessive behavior. Some couple’s whips and chains in neo-Nazi attire might just be healthy S&M sex fun for them. Contrarily it might constitute outrageous and immoral behavior for some members of the Rosary Alter Society, particularly if the S&M couple is not married or if they are the same sex.
Had Tiger only had one long-term mistress, would that have been more acceptable than a dozen short-timers? When did he have too many women – somewhere between 3 and 7? What had some women been blacks or Asians – would that have made a difference? Had he a male lover, would the GLBT community have rallied to his defense? Some people find monogamy harder than others for a variety of biological and psychological reasons.
Back when I was still single, more than once I simultaneously juggled two to three female companions – and it was easier when they lived in different cities but that didn’t stop me if they only lived on opposite sides of town. So to some TMV readers, I was a “cad.” However I wasn’t engaged or married to any of them nor did I make any professions of fidelity. I also stayed in a number of longer-term fairly exclusive relationships before marriage. I also lived with 2 different women I didn’t marry. I ended all this fun and sin in my late 30’s when I married for the first and last time.
From an objective financial, organizational, time-wise and emotional basis, monogamy in marriage works fine for my spouse and me and for many other people on the planet. Numerous surveys suggest most people do not privately subscribe to or follow this view. As for Tiger and many like him, it doesn’t fit into their worldviews and certainly money and morality are not constraints on keeping a Harem. These individuals should just be truthful about that attitude with whom they spend time and to whom they make public and legal commitments. (See also recent statements by Angelina Joli and Brad Pitt)
TIGER’S CLINICAL “TREATMENT” FOR “ADDICTION”
Tiger is allegedly holed-up in a clinic in Wickenburg, Arizona, about an hour Northwest from Phoenix where I live. These pseudo clinics are solely geared to treat all sorts of wealthy people, hypochondriacs, and those with various “addictions” that only need some rest and relaxation from the demands of the 24/7 Media Paparazzi. These Clinics are principally designed to cure fictitious conditions of their celebrity and private patients while relieving them of tens of thousands of dollars a day or week. If you are lucky to get a diagnosis that comports with insurance coverage, so much the better. However most of the patients simply have big bank accounts to raid. As some readers might imply, I consider them very lucrative frauds – but then Bernie Madoff successfully preyed on a similarly gullible wealthy crowd for decades.
Tiger’s treatment at the Clinic will consist of golf, tennis, spa massages, working out in excellent gyms, horseback riding, excellent cuisine and fine linens. They will also subject him to the temptations of scantily-clad blond cocktail waitresses several times a day. If he succumbs, as they fully anticipate he will, each “failure” will entail another fine of several thousand dollars. This “treatment” will continue until his attorneys determine he’s wasted enough time and money. Thereby the Clinic staff will announce that he is “cured” upon final payment of their bill.
WHERE WAS MRS. WOODS?
Returning to Mrs. Woods, I don’t feel for her as much as some people believe I should. She empowered Tiger all too much for far too long during their short marriage. Now her attorneys might be dragging her down a dark path that bodes poorly for their children.
When I have taken long business trips, I generally brought my spouse and son along. (My parents did that frequently with my sister and me as well.) Traveling to new places can be very enjoyable, educational and enlightening. Besides, I prefer their company to any other people. I booked airlines and hotels with Saturday night stay-over to explore the cities in which we were visiting on business. This type of family togetherness is definitely easier for those with more income and a spouse with a minor or no job that can come along with the main breadwinner.
It appears that Tiger traveled the U.S. and world frequently without his spouse or children and thus strayed with too many women while alone in hotel rooms. Even with small children, I’m sure Tiger could have sprung for a traveling nanny on his earnings. There is no evidence that Mrs. Woods held any meaningful employment that prevented her from frequently traveling with her husband. If they had been together on his professional tours, they could have enjoyed the many pleasant cities and gold clubs together. However if as newlyweds, you actually prefer spending a lot of time apart and with separate friends, I suggest that you marriage needs some attention and re-evaluation.
Mrs. Woods and her attorneys are probably reviewing the ante-nuptial agreement she signed as a pre-condition to marrying Tiger that limits her to around a $20 million lump-sum settlement instead of half of his assets. (If you can’t scrape along with $20 million and move beyond complaining about your former spouse’s unprecedented philandering, you are just not getting my sympathy.)
Perhaps the size of this negotiated divorce settlement amount compared to his total wealthy should have been a clue up front to Mrs. Woods that getting out of the marriage would be more of a business decision for Tiger than anything else. And his nickname “Tiger” should have been seen as a harbinger of things to come. He could have taken the monikers “Fido” or “Pius” but noooo they didn’t fit his character.
Setting up a separate household in another country will likely complicate any divorce proceedings and child visitation arrangements. (Mr. Goldman and his 5-year battle with Brazilian justice over his biological son is a relevant precedent.) Swedish or EU law might permit additional claims against Mr. Woods for child support over and above the couple’s pre-marital contract. It might open up his entire estate if the pre-marital agreement can be challenged under another nation’s laws. Just image the legal bills – great wealth spreading.
SUMMARY
As I noted in my prior post, this scandal should give our increasingly shallow 24/7 info-news entertainment Media great fodder for at least the next year. Tiger should not change religions unless he really believes it comports with his worldview that involves lots of Barbie Dolls.
Excessive philandering is found among wealthy men of all religious backgrounds. Hell, no one got killed along the way. This affair could be consigned as a bump in the road, a dent in the fender, a triple bogey.
Tiger cannot really cure himself of a fictitious addiction – sexual or otherwise. He merely lacks self-control and an inability to put things in their proper perspective and hierarchy. Tiger only valued himself and not his spouse or children. Just throw $20 million at them and move on.
For those TMV readers who might complain that I am wasting time writing about this subject, why are you still reading? We like this drama because it is high comedy on a global scale. It sure beats reading more turgid and boring posts about bank and healthcare reform, Al Qaeda, Yemen, China, budget deficits, and perpetually depressing unemployment and environmental issues. I’m far from the only one in the Media still writing about Tiger and his Harem – just look at the other bloggers on TMV. Besides my last Tiger essay got a lot of cross-posts in, and was quoted by, many other Internet blogs and media sites. One goes where the action is.
If there is no hope for reconciliation with Mrs. Woods, he should resign himself to spending a lot of time with and money on his bevy of attorneys. From a legal perspective and where money is not an issue, he should pursue the best visitation schedule with his children and make ample time for them within his busy professional golfing career. Otherwise he will regret losing touch with his children. Most divorced parents frequently admit that they can’t make up for lost time with all the money in the world.
I would bet that in less than 2 years, Tiger will be back successfully winning golf tournaments and getting new corporate endorsements as if nothing had happened. For the rich and famous in our society, there is very little cost to failure and minimal penance for sin. Just look at our bailed-out financial sector and the history of many other embarrassing world celebrities. However, it appears nothing is going to revive the rather inane and expensive sport of golf from its steady global decline in popularity for a host of other legitimate reasons.
Marc Pascal happily ranting from Phoenix, AZ – I must stop now. My pretty Colombianita wife has that “come hither” look in her eyes. Our son is in his room either working on his homework or playing on his Sony DS. Life doesn’t get much better than this.