This just in from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
U.S. THREATENS TO LAUNCH ANN COULTER TOWARDS NORTH KOREA
Rabid Pundit Could Destroy Entire Korean Peninsula, U.N. WarnsIn an act of retaliation for North Korean president Kim Jong-Il’s plan to test a long-range missile that could reach California, the United States today threatened to launch conservative pundit Ann Coulter in the direction of North Korea.
President George W. Bush announced the plan to weaponize Ms. Coulter in a nationally televised address.
“If North Korea intends to test the most deadly weapon in its arsenal, we will have no alternative but to use the most deadly weapon in ours,� Mr. Bush said. “And that weapon is Ann Coulter.�
Mr. Bush did not indicate how and when Ms. Coulter would be fired towards Pyongyang, but most military experts believe that she has already been loaded onto a nuclear submarine and could be launched at any moment.
At the United Nations, an emergency session of the Security Council was convened to discourage the U.S. from deploying Ms. Coulter, who is seen by many in the international community as the ultimate doomsday weapon.
Fears abound that if Ms. Coulter were fired towards Pyongyang, she would spew noxious fumes that could lay waste to the entire Korean peninsula and might even destroy Japan and parts of China.
There’s more so read the whole thing.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.