THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
In a special pre-Thanksgiving radio address broadcast from the White House, President George W. Bush asked his fellow Americans to join him in giving thanks for the following things:
“My fellow Americans, let’s be thankful for global warming, because as these winter months approach, it makes the world such a nice, toasty place.
“Let’s be thankful that by the time I finally had to go to Vietnam, I never had to leave my limo.
“Let’s be thankful that even though my approval numbers are at a record low, they’re still higher than my grades at Yale.
“Let’s be thankful that Fox cancelled the O.J. Simpson special, so that the American people would not be subjected to the most evil person in the world — Judith Regan.
“Let’s be thankful for Sony PlayStation Portable, which really helps you get through those long Cabinet meetings when they’re going on and on about the economy.
“Let’s be thankful that I’ve gotten through another entire year without talking to Cindy Sheehan.
“Let’s be thankful for Mel Gibson’s upcoming movie, Lethal Rabbi.
“Let’s be thankful that they finally shut down Mark Foley’s MySpace page.
“Let’s be thankful that in nine months it will be August and then I can go on summer vacation again.
“And finally, my fellow Americans, let’s be thankful that as bad as my career is right now, it’s still in better shape than Kramer’s.”
There’s more so read the whole thing. And check out Borowitz’s latest so-silly-it-must-be-real book:
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.