THIS JUST IN from reporter J. Thomas Duffy”
Piercing, Shattering Noise Rocks DC Area
Authorities Trace To Capitol Bldg; May Be Frist Presidential HopesWashington, D.C. was rocked early last evening with a piercing, shrieking, shattering-type noise, heard for scores of miles beyond the nation’s capital.
As emergency switchboards were flooded with calls from concern and frightened citizens, local police departments, aided by a division of federal agents pinpointed the center of where the noise emanated from and it appears to be the U.S. Capitol Building.
The first calls reporting the shattering noise began to roll in around 6:15PM, and lasted for more than an hour. Further tests were being conducted late into the evening, as more calls and leads poured in.
Washington D.C. Police Chief Charles H. Ramsey seemed assured that the public was not in danger. Homeland Security officials monitored the situation but did not change the color code.
“I’m pretty sure we know what this is all about”, offered the Chief.
Speculation among authorities is mounting that the noise was the 2008 Presidential hopes of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) breaking apart, as he lost a senate vote to end the debate over the nomination of John Bolton to the post of United Nations Ambassador.
Frist had begun the day confident, that not only the debate would end, but the nomination vote would take place as well.
For Frist, this is the second major blow to his leadership, after Monday’s surprise compromise, in which 7 Democrats and 7 Republicans joined forces to bring a truce to the heated judicial nomination debates, and prevent Frist from enacting the threatened ‘Nuclear Option’ that would change Senate rules and outlaw filibusters.
Frist, who has been positioning himself for a run at the 2008 Presidential rave, has been widely criticized by other Republicans as to his abilities to be the Senate Leader and delivering for the President, his last-term, conservative agenda.
The failures of Frist this week, according to some Republican sources, not only throw a wet blanket on gaining the 2008 nomination,. but risk seeing Frist replaced as Senate Majority Leader as well.
“Hey,” offered one Republican insider, “when you’re in charge of the bakery, and the bread isn’t coming out of the oven, might be time for a new baker”
The White House commented that they were “disappointed” in not seeing a vote for Bolton.
“This has happened before”, stated Chief Ramsey. “Probably, the last time was way back, when I think Gary Hart was in office … That was one doozy of a noise, all right”.
(PS: This is from freelance comedy writer Duffy’s satire blog The Garlic, which we have blogrolled under our Other Voices category).
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.