THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
Bush Offers to Re-hang Saddam
‘We’ll Get It Right This Time,’ President PromisesAt a press briefing at the White House today, President George W. Bush said that he was “sensitive� to the global outcry over the manner in which former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was hanged and would attempt to make amends by hanging Mr. Hussein for a second time.
“I have heard the criticism of Saddam’s hanging loud and clear,� Mr. Bush said. “We are fully prepared to re-hang Saddam Hussein, and we will get it right this time.�
After video images of the Iraqi strongman’s hanging appeared on the Internet and turned him into a martyr in the Arab world, a “new, improved re-hanging� of Saddam was the only solution, Mr. Bush said.
Mr. Bush said that the re-hanging of Saddam was an important first step in anew campaign he called “Operation Iraqi De-martyrization.�
According to the president, Saddam’s second hanging will be conducted under a strict new set of rules handed down by the U.S., including a zero tolerance policy on camera phones.
“If this second hanging shows up on the YouTubes, I am going to blow my stack,� Mr. Bush said.
Mr. Bush said that the U.S. would try to control the taunting by the hooded Shiite militiamen responsible for hanging the Iraqi dictator by issuing an “official list of approved Shiite taunts.�
“If it’s not on that list of taunts, I don’t want to hear it,� Mr. Bush said. “You stay classy, Shiites.�
There’s more so read the whole thing. And check out Borowitz’s latest so-silly-it-must-be-real book:
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.