THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
Bush: Ahmadinejad Must Dismantle Last Name
Threatens Sanctions Against Polysyllabic LeaderThe war of words between the United States and Iran heated up today as President George W. Bush demanded that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad dismantle his last name or face serious sanctions.
Speaking from the Rose Garden at the White House, Mr. Bush made it clear that he believed Mr. Ahmadinejad’s possession of a difficult-to-pronounce, polysyllabic last name was a provocative act that the United States was not prepared to tolerate.
“The time has come for the Iranian president to make a choice,� Mr. Bush warned. “Does he want to continue down this dangerous, polysyllabic path, or does he want to join the community of peace-loving, monosyllabic world leaders?�
Under a plan being floated through diplomatic channels, Mr. Ahmadinejad’s last name would be subject to U.N. inspections and then dismantled syllable by syllable, ultimately to be stored in a secure U.S. military facility in Tennessee.
Mr. Bush’s warning to President Ahmadinejad predictably garnered the support of several of his monosyllabic counterparts, such as Britain’s Tony Blair, South Korea’s Roh Moo Hyun and the Czech Republic’s Václav Klaus.
But his strong rhetoric was less warmly received by members of the so-called “polysyllabic movement,� led by Equatorial Guinea’s President Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo.
There’s more so read the whole thing.
You can get and Andy Borowitz’s other investigative reports here.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.