THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
Bush Offers U.S. Attorneys New Positions in Iraq
Attempt to Calm Furor over Mass SackingIn a bold attempt to end the controversy over the sacking of eight United States attorneys, President George W. Bush today offered the fired prosecutors what he called “exciting new positions� in Iraq.
With the President facing pressure from Congress over the firing of the attorneys and funding for the continuing war effort, Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House that sending the “surge� of eight U.S. attorneys to Baghdad was a “win-win� solution to both problems.
“Congress has been trying their darnedest to limit my ability to prosecute this war,� Mr. Bush said. “Well, I can think of no one more qualified to prosecute this war than those eight prosecutors.�
Mr. Bush said that dispatching a surge of lawyers to Baghdad will be send a strong message to insurgents and terrorists that they can no longer take the law into their own hands.
“I have strongly felt for some time that we need more suits on the ground,� Mr. Bush said.
If all goes as planned, the eight prosecutors will be parachuted into Baghdad as early as this Wednesday, Mr. Bush told reporters, and could be prosecuting insurgents by Thursday.While some in the White House press corps questioned if sending eight prosecutors to Iraq would really be enough to turn the tide of the war effort there, Mr. Bush said he already had plans to send additional lawyers if necessary.
“If those eight aren’t enough, I’ll send Gonzales,� he said.
There’s more so read the whole thing.
You can get and Andy Borowitz’s other investigative reports here.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.