A study that tracked thousands of Frenchmen, aged 18 to 70, between 1989 and 2005, found that the average sperm count among this group of guys fell more than 32 percent in this period. This is still above the infertility level, but the trend is clear. France as we know it will soon empty out.
The large unoccupied area this will leave between Germany and Spain is then likely to act as a powerful magnet for population ingress, and could well lead to political difficulties of various kinds. I’m assuming the Pentagon has contingency plans in place to meet any possible threats to our own security that this spawns. Here, I will merely note three possible reasons for the sperm count fall off.
1. Socialism. You take away peoples’ inherently healthful ability to create a hedge fund and enjoy a carried interest tax rate on earnings, what is there to live for? Why bother churning out a lot sperm?
2. Failure to adequately support American wars. France did not join our Coalition Of The Willing to fight for Iraqi freedom, and is now planning to pull out its relatively small troop contribution to our Great Game play in Afghanistan even earlier than promised. You’re not willing to wield a big stick, your sperm count has to drop.
3. Clinging to traditional cuisine instead of facing up to new food facts. Any country that continues to believe Julia Child knew how to cook chicken better than Colonel Sanders clearly has no 21st century future.
So long, France. You were a good old wagon. But you done broke down.