My brother and I recently compared our experiences growing up. In my family there are four siblings; three brothers and a sister. The three brothers shared a room. We had the same father and mother.
Our parents were married until my dad died suddenly at age 49. At that time, we were 23, 21, 20 (me) and 16. All of us are married with children. How different could our experiences have been, right?
After talk, I realize that we recall family dynamic differently. Each of us remembers subtle perceived preferences and opinion in ways that fit ‘our story’. We each have our own remembrances; each unique.
If we asked my mom which one of us she loved most she would laugh at us like we were little kids who never grew up and answer something like “whichever one needed me most at that moment”.
While most of us consider ourselves free of prejudice and relatively open minded, it appears we are influenced by our individual view of the family and our efforts to be part of the unit.
The truth, as we see it, affects the way we interact with people, events and even ourselves. My view of myself limits or supports my ability to act. It alters what I see and don’t see; what I question or fail to notice; what I am willing to risk in an effort to achieve, or what I settle for because “that’s out of my reach”.
When I am made aware of my bias toward myself, I am given freedom of choice. Considering the laws of quantum physics that tell us much of who we are is what we choose to be, removing bias means that even our normal daily activities can result in a new paradigm when “who we are” is free.
So this begs the question, what’s your story?
If four siblings from a relatively well adjusted, loving family give four different views of the same or similar events, the stories must be shaded by the teller of the tale. What are you telling yourself?
It can be difficult to separate your story from what is real. This applies to relationships and to careers. Is the deck stacked against you?
Is life unfair?
Is there a little voice that is telling you I am not good enough, not fast enough, not smart enough or not tough enough?
Some people do have legitimate complaints or handicaps, but continually using hardships as an excuse can become a limiting behavior.
In the book “The Inner Game of Tennis” W. Timothy Gallwey draws the distinction between fulfilling the ultimate human possibility and a simple way to develop certain inner skills that can be used to improve any outer game of your choice. It’s about learning to get out of your own way so that you can learn and perform closer to your potential.
There is an internal conversation going on within all of us. He calls the talker, critic controlling voice Self 1 and the self that has to hit the ball (or run, bike, swim, work, socialize, romance) Self 2. Turns out, the less we hear from Self 1 the better Self 2 performs. The more we trust in Self 2 potential the better we execute and the quieter Self 1 conversation is. This “Inner Game” will never change as long as human beings are vulnerable to fears, doubts and distractions of the mind.
Individuals find meaning and derive pleasure from varied activities. Building successful businesses, building successful families, maintaining healthy bodies and service, come to mind.
In the forward to the book Gallwey pulls this quote:
“What is the real game?
It is a game in which the heart is entertained
The game in which you are entertained
It is the game you will win.”