Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder explain that conservatives and centrists are, essentially, inventing problems, in this case an immigration problem:
We have a simple solution to the immigration debate. But first, why do we talk about the immigration problem? We have an immigration problem when people fight to get out of a country, not to get into a country. What we have here is something between “a condition” like when your mother-in-law has bursitis, and a “situation” like when a low-life neighbor keeps parking in your driveway.
The merry couple also came up with a solution to the problem, which consists out of three parts:
1. Registration… What we need to do is [to] develop a central complete registry of all aliens in America — legal and illegal. As to what we do with the illegals who step up to the plate and register, see #3. Those that don’t register will eventually either be questioned for something else, perhaps trying to get a job or otherwise interface with the institutions of our country. Prospective employers or other agencies should be required to report unregistered aliens immediately. If an employee does not do so, he should be charged with a crime. An immigrant not having the proper card should be immediately deported and never be permitted to reenter the country. Eventually all of the illegals will either be sent to jail or, over the course of time, die.
2. Fences: The idea we cannot build a suitable fence or have secure borders is ridiculous. We have had secure borders in Germany, North and South Korea, Vietnam, etc. Dictators throughout history have been able to build fences to keep the people in or out. The Great Wall of China was 1,500 miles long, built in the 3d cent. B.C., and is still around.
In this regard, we have an additional simple solution. Just give anybody who will live on the border two free acres of land.
3. Draft Boards: For those immigrants who register but are not here legally, we should establish local community boards, similar to the local drafts boards we had in World War II. These would be made up of small groups of dedicated citizens who would devote their time to hear cases involving the illegal aliens who have registered, on a case by case basis. In that way, local community standards, which vary from place to place in the country, would be applied. Only after this process is completed would the aliens be permitted to test adverse decisions through the judicial system.
The wonderful world of the far left: make love, not war. Let as many immigrants in as possible. There is no immigration problem, for immigrants enrich the nation. Build illegal immigrants clubhouses so they can play billiards and chess. Hug them. Cudle them.
Here is my solution to the problem: listen to what the far right says, listen to what the far left say and then choose the middle road.
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