Happy Monday, and welcome to another week at The Moderate Voice. For those of you who were busy or out of town over the weekend, remember that we set the clocks forward yesterday. This means that most of you will be losing one hour of sleep. Unless, of course, you earn more than $250,000 per year, in which case you will lose two hours and eleven minutes. (Rimshot!)
The good news is that you’ll all be getting an extra hour of sunlight in the evening. Nature lovers should be warned, however, that we’re currently projecting a 17% reduction in the number of rainbows due to the amount which were used up during the last presidential campaign. (Bada bing!)
Sank you. Sank you. I bee here all zee veek. Tip your vaiters. Try the veal.