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(Updated) Paris Hilton Bawls Her Way Out of An L.A. Celebrity Slammer

June 7th, 2007
By SHAUN MULLEN, TMV Columnist

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Paris Hilton has finally done it to me. She has so outraged my sensibilities that here I am blogging on this sack of celebrity excrement instead of analyzing every jot and tittle of the presidential race.

As everyone but those hundreds of tortured souls rotting in Gitmo surely know by now, the hotel heiress was streeted only five days into her 23-day sentence (already reduced from 45 days) in a celebrity lockup for repeatedly driving drunk.

The reason: Paris couldn’t sleep and had become a sniveling mess. She will serve the rest of her sentence at home with a tracking device attached to her ankle.

The New York Post said she was seen crying after she cracked “under the pressure of prison.”

Paris, who reportedly is a moderate Republican, had unsuccessfully appealed to California Governor Schwarzenneger to commute her sentence. Her attorneys argued in an irony-free petition that “She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.”

Despite her Oscar-winning performance, I expect that it will be only a matter of time before this exceedingly stupid, if rich, harlot is in trouble again despite her stating prior to her imprisonment that:

“In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make.”

Scooter Libby was not available for comment. There are rumors that the nascent Fred Thompson presidential campaign is interested in bringing her on as a spokesmodel, but for the moment the “high ground” in this toxic waste dump belongs to none other than Al Sharpton, who in a statement grumped that:

“Though I have nothing but empathy for Ms. Hilton whom I have met and appeared with on Saturday Night Live the night I hosted in 2003, this early release gives all of the appearances of economic and racial favoritism that is constantly cited by poor people and people of color. There are any number of cases of people who handle being incarcerated badly and even have health conditions that are not released.”

We all share your pain, Big Al.

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Image: Kvatch at Blognonymous



This entry was posted on Thursday, June 7th, 2007 at 8:28 am and is filed under Celebrities, Law & Legal Matters. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

 
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