Mr B? Surprised to see you again today. And carrying all those papers.
They’re for you, Selig.
Kind of you, sir. But I’m already well stocked with paper down here. Single ply. Double ply. Quilted. We got a new shipment of Charmin in the other day if you’d like to…
No, Selig. These are papers for you to read. To read. Didn’t you get the memo?
Get a memo? In the washroom?
Whatever. The thing is, Selig, the Goldman board is creating a business standards committee to examine our business practices, and we’re looking to broaden its membership.
I don’t understand, Mr. B. Why would anyone think Goldman Sachs should change its business practices? The idea is absurd.
Of course it is, Selig. But with all the misunderstanding about the way we’ve been operating that you read in the press these days…
You mean like slicking that A.I.G. deal, sir? Becoming a commercial bank to access cheap loans from the Fed? Helping Greece fool its way into the EU and threatening Europe’s entire economy in consequence? Those bonuses you’ve been giving yourself? Those misunderstandings?
Yes, Selig, those misunderstandings. Personally, I can’t fathom why any fair-minded person would quibble about such things.
These are certainly confusing times we live in, sir.
True enough. In any case, Selig. We want to tap a few outsiders, ordinary little people like you, to help with reshaping our company operations. Are you game?
I don’t know, Mr. B. My work here in the washroom, it just involves maintaining the high-tech stalls, distributing super sanitized hand towels, keeping the luxury fixtures well shined. It’s really just putting a fancy gloss on functions people don’t want made public.
You’re just the man we’re looking for, Selig. By the way. When you come to the board meeting on the 40th floor, wear what you’re wearing now. We’re all just Main Street folks up there.
And you’ll put me on the memo list, sir?
Consider it done. Because whether you’re a client or an employee, Selig, when you deal with Goldman Sachs…
I know, sir. I know. You’re family.
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