Mr B. I’m surprised to see you. I thought you and the gang were monitoring doings in the Senate. And here you are in the washroom, carrying a bottle of champagne.
Actually, Selig, its Asti Spumanti. We ran out of the Dom Perignon upstairs. But this stuff does have bubbles, and it’s for you.
Gee, thanks. A white wine with bubbles. What’s the occasion, sir? What are we celebrating?
Not just what, Selig. But who. We’re drinking a toast to Senator Chris Dodd.
Him? I thought he was giving you…I mean giving us, a lot of trouble with that financial reform bill.
It may look that way down here in the washroom, Selig. But trust me, when this ‘reform’ becomes law, and regulators like Timmy…
Tim Geithner, sir? Our man at Treasury?
And a very fine fellow, too. When Timmy and our other good friends there and elsewhere in government finish writing the actual regulations for this reform, you’ll be drinking Asti down here like, like…
Like Diet Coke, sir.
Right. Like that. Thank heavens Dodd saw the dangers we faced with the derivative part of that financial reform in time. After that Arkansas person…
Senator Blanche Lincoln, sir?
Right. Her. After she was somehow allowed to insert a measure into the bill that would have forced banks like ourselves to get out of derivative peddling…
Our big money-maker, sir?
Right, Selig. The thing that keeps the stalls in this washroom fully wired to CNN and super hygienic, and the thing that allows little people like yourself occasional exposure to cheap bubbly. This Blanche Lincoln person would actually have caused us to be separated from direct involvement in the derivative markets. You know what that would mean, Selig?
I do, sir. You explained it the last time you came down for your regular Stall 8 visit. Not only would Goldman’s profits plunge, but with all government insured banks out of the derivatives market, gamblers in that market would have to eat their own losses instead of being made whole by taxpayers.
You have a wonderful memory, Selig. Ever think of trading securities? There might be some overlap with your present work in the washroom. I’ll run it by people in personnel. For the time being, though, let’s just celebrate Dodd putting the kibosh on that Lincoln madness. His new amendment to the reform bill says there will be a two-year wait before Lincoln’s proposal goes into effect. Two years during which regulators…
Like Tim Geithner, sir?
Right. Like our Timmy, ultimately decides whether it should go into effect at all. Guess how that one will be decided. Ha, ha, ha. So. let’s pop this champ…this Asti Spumanti, and raise a toast to Goldman’s best new pal, Senator Chris Dodd.
Pop!
Here’s to Dodd, Selig!
And to the death to socialism, sir!
More financial satire from this author in prose and verse at: http://www.wallstreetpoet.com