Mr. B. I haven’t seen you this happy since you suckered the Beltway crowd on that A.I.G. bailout.
That was fun alright, and we haven’t lost our touch. You may not have known it, Selig, but all that talk of real financial reform awhile back had me worried.
Actually sir, there were hints. You seemed digestively challenged for a time.
Well, that’s water under the bridge. The big banks are back in charge full bore now. No more need to even fake otherwise. We weathered the reform storm with hardly a tar ball. We even got Congress to make sure taxpayers fund the reform.
How is that possible, sir? I thought there was going to be a $19 billion fee on big banks like Goldman to pay its cost.
What a disgusting notion, Selig. Why $19 billion is almost 15 percent of what we paid ourselves in bonuses last year, after we were kind enough to accept nearly free money from the Fed lending window, and additional money from TARP. Even a washroom attendant can see how wrong it would be to have big investment banks pay for reforms made necessary by a financial disaster we ourselves helped bring about.
You’re right there, sir. Any fair-minded person could see that. So where is the money to pay for these reforms going to come from now?
Mostly savings from closing down TARP early, which is fine, since we already tapped it when we needed to. If this money didn’t go toward paying for financial reform, it probably would have gone toward paying down the federal deficit. In other words gone indirectly back to small taxpayers. Can you imagine!
Well played, sir. Well played!
And it gets better, Selig.
Better, sir? How could it get better? You already explained the other day how that Volker Rule that was supposed to separate investment banks like Goldman that automatically get bailed out by the government if they lose too much money betting on derivatives has been so weakened. It was even reported today that Paul Volker himself was disappointed at this weakening that banks engineered. What could be better than that?
Hang on to your toilet brush, Selig. You’re not going to believe what Congress ended up doing next with this reform.
Actually, sir, I think I’d believe anything that Congress does when it comes to Wall Street. But lay it on me anyway.
You know how I once told you that the Glass Steagall law, that socialist monster the Roosevelt crowd passed back in the 1930s that separated depository banks from Wall Street betters, how that law gave the banks just one year to do the separating? Well, we have a dozen years if the regulators in Washington let us put it off that long. And guess who’ll be making decisions about whether we can put it off?
Timmy, sir? Tim Geithner, the investment banker’s friend at Treasury?
You got it, Selig. This whole reform thing has turned out to be so… Hee…Heee…Heeeee…
You’re turning beet red, sir. Are you alright?
Forgive me, Selig. I just can’t seem to stop laughing.
I know I speak for all true non-socialist Americans, sir, when I say we all share your joy.
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