Mr. B. You look angry, sir.
I am, Selig. Did you hear when Ken Feinberg, the Administration’s special master on executive compensation, said the other day about executive pay at America’s 17 largest banks?
No, sir. We don’t have great access to news down here in washroom.
It was horrible, Selig. Horrible. He said our record bonuses last year at a time when most Americans were suffering financially in large measure because of Wall Street practices, he said these bonuses were ill-advised.
Dear God, Mr. B. He didn’t actually use the words “ill-advised?”
He did, Selig. He actually did.
How did the people on our trading floor take this, Mr B? I know from listening to them here in the washroom that they’re a very sensitive lot.
Naturally they were shocked. Shocked! Then angry as all get-along. To have such an accusations hurled at them…well…It’s a wonder they were able to carry on at all after something like this. And there’s more, Selig.
No. I can’t believe it, sir. After such a forceful outburst, using words like ill-advised, I can’t believe any Administration official would say still more.
Feinberg did, Selig. He had the nerve, the gall, the temerity…you know what temerity means, by the way?
I do, sir. You need a couple of years of college to land a washroom attendant job these days.
Lucky for you that you have that kind of background so you can work here and pay off those college loans. Anyway…this Feinberg also said that our bonuses were not only ill-advised but giving them demonstrated bad judgment. Bad judgment! Us. Goldman Sachs! Showing bad judgment!
This Feinberg, Mr. B, has clearly come under the influence of crazed left-wingers. I pray he didn’t actually…
Say we should return some of the money, Selig? Pay a special tax on it like the one levied in the U.K? Suggest the bonuses were contrary to the public interest? No, Selig, we haven’t reached that juncture yet. And if, God forbid, we ever do, the Wall Street empire has its ways of striking back.
You mean by cutting back on campaign contributions to Administration candidates, sir, so they can’t afford more TV ads that tell voters how they’re standing up to Wall Street?
Like that, Selig. But something even more potent. The top 5 percent of income earners in this country now account for 33 percent of all the spending that keeps this economy on its present life support. And Selig, I can assure you there isn’t a single top executive or trader at this country’s largest investment and commercial banks that isn’t included in that top 5 percent.
I have no trouble believing that one, sir.
So they take any more of our money through taxes or other ways, Selig, just to cut government deficits or fund programs for the needy and middle class, our spending goes down. And if that happened even the illusion there’s some economic recovery going on would go up in smoke.
So if I understand you. Mr. B, what you’re telling me is that over the years Goldman, other big banks, powerful business interests and a compliant federal government have so reshaped the American economy, that any sincere attempt to reshape it back into a more progressive form that benefits the other 95 percent of our population will only make things worse for everybody.
Exactly, Selig. Heads we win. Tails we win. The coin lands on its side we win. Think of it as the guaranteed entitlement for the best and brightest.
Oh I do, sir. I do. Your own Stall #8 is ready as always, sir.
Out of my way then. And Selig…
Sir?
Do tidy yourself up a bit better after cleaning out our stalls. You’re part of the Goldman team, man. You should feel the same pride in your work as our appropriately compensated traders and top managers.
More from this writer at wallstreetpoet.com, and more from Selig