Exactly seven years ago, after reluctantly sitting down with my wife to watch an episode of ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars,” I took keyboard to WordPress to express my satirical horror with a little help from none other than Maureen Dowd.
You see, “starring” in that particular episode was none other than “The Hammer,” the in 2005 indicted*, former GOP House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.
Dowd wrote this about the Dancing with the Stars debut of the man once dubbed “Meanest Man in Congress,” but now-turned-“Wild Thing”:
So DeLay, 62, cutting loose in his orthopedic shoes with the cha-cha and his Texas mugshot grin, was the Lipitor version of the finale of “Footloose.” The judges gave him tepid scores in Monday’s male dance-off, but a scandal-plagued former Dallas Cowboy and George Hamilton’s glossy son rated lower.
Just in case we had forgotten, Dowd summarized DeLay’s stellar resume:
The former exterminator drove the loony Clinton impeachment, pushed the nutty Terri Schiavo legislation, gutted the House ethics committee, engaged in gerrymandering schemes, enhanced the pay-to-play political culture and made the Republican Party so sulfurously partisan, ethically suspect and God-centric that voters recoiled.
He dropped out of politics in 2006 after a campaign finance violation indictment and ties to the Jack Abramoff lobbying scandal.
DeLay’s debut into the dancing world was an absolute disaster. Newsweek called it an “awesome train wreck.”
Nevertheless, the former exterminator was determined to torture Americans even more the following week with — of all dances — the beautiful, sensual, noble, almost sacred Tango.
As mentioned in my 2009 piece, I am not much into watching studio dancing or dancing contests, but there is one dance that I love to watch when it is done properly: the immortal Tango.
I must have watched The Hammer’s attempt at dancing the Tango. After all the 2009 piece was titled “Dancing the Tango with the Hammer.” However, honestly, I don’t remember a thing. Something about the brain protecting one from remembering such horrors…
But wait, there may be another opportunity.
As in “déjà vu,” another in 2014 indicted*, former GOP Texas governor and two-time GOP presidential candidate is appearing on this season of ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars.”
For his debut performance, Rick Perry — similarly to DeLay — picked a “Texas-themed cha-cha” and just as with DeLay, Perry’s debut performance “wasn’t exactly stellar.”
Pamela Engel at Businessinsider.com to the rescue:
Perry’s first dance this season, with partner Emma Slater, was a Texas-themed cha-cha set to the song “God Blessed Texas.” And while the dance had plenty of camp — the routine started with Perry and Slater dancing up to a corn dog stand — the judges didn’t seem impressed.
All four judges awarded Perry and Slater a five out of 10 for a total score of 20 — the lowest of the night.
The second performance by Perry, I am told, “was another country-themed setting for a cringe-inducing rendition of ‘Green Acres.’”
But wait, Rick Perry still received more votes “than he did in his latest presidential bid.”
As his own hometown newspaper puts it:
Despite finishing in last place in the first two weeks of the ABC reality TV show, the former Texas governor and two-time GOP presidential candidate was spared a Texas-sized boot Tuesday night thanks to support from viewers.
So Rick Perry, just as DeLay did, survives to dance one more time.
He will be trotting out his ballroom skills Monday evening just before the first presidential debate airs — starring “The Don” — an event the wannabe president may have preferred to be part of.
But, please, let it not be the sacred Tango.
Brain protection or not, there is only so much stress and trauma a human being should be expected to endure in one evening.
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* Both men have since been cleared of all charges.
Lead image courtesy Donkeyhotey.com
The author is a retired U.S. Air Force officer and a writer.