Good Lord, you just have to LOVE New York City! I know I do. The Health Department is always looking out for the needs of their citizens, most recently by issuing a pamphlet teaching you the proper way to be a junkie. I’m sure that many of you, like me, could be very confused about how to mainline smack, should you try to do so. What am I… a doctor? Never fear… this helpful guide will walk you through the process and start you on your way to a safe, happy career path as a heroin addict.
NEW YORK — Do you want to learn a safer way to shoot heroin? New York City has a guide for that.
The city’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene spent $32,000 of tax money on 70,000 copies that offer information on how to prepare drugs carefully and care for veins to avoid infection.
The 16-page booklet features seven comics-like illustrations and offers such advice as “Warm your body (jump up and down) to show your veins,” and “Find the vein before you try to inject.”
I watched the report on this story on CNN this morning and I think the most shocking part is that I’m just not shocked any more. On some level I can see the need for information on not using or sharing dirty needles to prevent the spread of disease, or where to go in case of an overdose, but this? It really is a “how to” guide on booting horse, as they used to say in my day.
Of course, in retrospect, this pamphlet may not seem very shocking after we read the rest of the guides in this series, coming soon to a public safety office near you:
– Crack: The best value for your drug dollar
– New York Businesses and Residences With Inadequate Security Systems
– Bullets Are Expensive: Vital points on the human body for one shot kills
– Unjamming Your Nine Quickly When the Po-Po Have You Cornered in an Ally
and
– Where to Smack That Beeyatch When She Just Won’t Shut Up Without Leaving Bruises for the Cops to Find