January 15, 2017
Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Super Baby DonDon’s diary. The series imagines that President-elect Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Super Baby DonDon.
So, to help out my old pal, I granted an interview to Billy Bush for the pilot of his new show, Bushwhacked.
Here’s an excerpt:
Q: So, the lovely Melania, hubba hubba.
A: I try to stay a-breast of the situation.
[We laugh uncontrollably.]
Q: And Ivanka, say no more.
A: She is like the tasting menu at Jean-Georges, which is in the Trump International on Central Park West. Can I help get you a table?
Q: Yes, thank you, Your Arrogance. Really, what’s wrong with Don Jr.?
A: Clearly, he’s not well. He’s vicious, but he brings no playful spirit to his malevolence the way his Dad does. We’re showing him lots of Pepe the Frog videos but they haven’t taken yet.
Q: Eric looks as if he just learned that all his pets were euthanized simultaneously. This happened, yes?
A: I wasn’t around much, so it could have happened. If it happened—and I’m not saying it did happen but it happened—then it’s clear Democrats were behind it. Do you know he established the Eric Trump Foundation to benefit other people? Where did I go wrong with this kid?
Q: I have no questions about Tiffany.
A: Neither do I.
Q: Ivanka’s husband, Jared Kushner, still calls you Mr. Trump. What’s with that?
A: Soon he’ll call me Mr. President. I just hired him as a senior adviser. I don’t care about him so much, but having him on staff should let me see more of the delectable Ivanka.
Q: Naturally. So, Rick Perry. Do you think he looks smarter with glasses?
A: Smarter than what?
Q: Is it true you’ve asked Melania to begin referring to a part of your anatomy as the Washington Monument?
A: She will if she knows what’s good for her!
[The host and I then high-fived uncontrollably.]
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes an anti-Trump humor page at www.babydondon.com or https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.