In a recent interview, Mitt Romney predicted President Obama (and presumably his surrogates) would run “a campaign on envy and class warfare.” This envy would presumably be based on Romney’s financial success doing leveraged buyout takeover deals.
Well sure. Who wouldn’t want to be able to borrow a heap of money using a target company’s own assets to gain control of that company, then whittle down its employee rolls and do whatever else was necessary in order to get some Wall Street investment bank to put it on the market and generate a ton of the long green for the takeover artists who concocted the deal?
But that’s only a small part of my personal Mitt Envy, which really has far more of a follicular basis. Specifically, the guy’s top mop, which makes my own look, well…
The other day I sent a video of myself to a friend. Or a guy I had long considered a friend. And instead on focusing on the point of that video, the actual reason I sent it, he focused instead on what he termed “a swoop that would put Donald Trump to shame.”
After gritting my teeth about this for long minutes, I happened to turn to a site on the web that featured a shot of Mitt Romney spouting some pre-Iowa Caucus spam. And I couldn’t stop looking at his hair, and flashing back to that comment of my friend.
What does it take to have a male head of hair like Romney’s after fifty? Money? Mormonism? An innate ability to say the same inane things to different people for a year or two in pursuit of high public office? Or maybe just biting the bullet and seeking out Sy Sperling?
Mitt Envy? Yes. I admit it. But it’s a hair warfare not a class warfare thing. And the battles here are not done either. One day, Mr. Romney, through your natural losses or my artificial enhancements, this particular playing field will be leveled.
This writer’s swoop can be viewed on a video at: This God-Awful Political Season (In Verse).