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Posted by on Apr 1, 2017 in Humor, Mexico, Politics | 0 comments

MEXICO TO PAY FOR WALL

By Juana B. Back

April 1, 2017 (San Diego) – In a surprise announcement this morning, President Donald Trump tweeted that Mexico’s president has agreed to pay for the border wall. The decision came after the winning bid was awarded to a Mexican contracting company, Puerto Abierto, following a four-day bidding process in March.

“We’re going to build a HUGE wall. The biggest and best wall ever,” Trump promised in a 4 a.m. tweet. “Mexico has agreed to pay. Puerto Abierto’s got the contract. They had the lowest bid, a real deal. HASTA LA VISTA, BAD HOMBRES!!!!”

Associated Press has confirmed that the Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto did reverse his position. According to CNN, back in January he stated on TV, “”I’ve said time and again; Mexico won’t pay for any wall,” adding “Mexico does not believe in walls.”

Today he confirmed, “After studying Puerto Abierto’s proposal, we believe its plans for an international border wall will be in the best interests of the Mexican people.”

Existing steel fences already in place along portions of the U.S.-Mexico border will be torn down and replaced with a new wall made of Drivit. To satisfy Trump’s requirement granting extra points for pleasing aesthetics, the wall will be painted a glistening gold, Trump’s favorite color.

Leading economic experts theorize that Nieto caved in to avoid a trade war with the U.S.

East County Magazine, however, has obtained leaked documents including blueprints and detailed plans for the wall, which shed light on a very different reason that may explain Nieto’s surprising shift.

Our exclusive investigation reveals that Puerto Abierto’s plans call for use of the material Drivit, a product the company described as “so secure it’s even been used to construct jail walls for housing prisoners.”

The Trump administration apparently failed to research the history of Drivit’s use for security purposes. East County Magazine’s research reveals that Drivit was the material used to build the ill-fated El Cajon Jail, a facility once described by a New York Times article as a “breakout artist’s dream.”

In that 1990 article, Sheriff’s Captain Benny McLaughlin said that the jail walls were “flimsier than those at the local dog pound.”

Supervisors had opted to save money by cutting out concrete. So the jail was built with Drivit, the trade name for a mixture of drywall with plastic foam and textured coating, the Los Angeles Times reported.

Inmates at the short-lived El Cajon Jail soon learned to kick holes through the Drivit walls, then escape by tying bed sheets together and scaling down the multi-story building’s exterior walls.

Going undercover in Tijuana, our reporter found prospective immigrants and deportees practicing their kicking skills on a soccer field; soccer (futbol) is the national sport in Mexico. One coyote, as human traffickers are called south of the border, told us under condition of anonymity, “The gringos, they think they can keep us out. They are wrong. Before we got over, under and around the wall. Now we will go right through it!”

Wall-SiSepuedeSprayed.pngOn social media, where millions of Mexicans recently organized protests against a gas price hike, citizens are now planning a mass “Tear Down This Wall” rally one day after the official ribbon cutting slated for this summer after the fast-tracked project’s completion.

Multiple sources confirmed to ECM that the initial attack on the $25 billion wall will be led by the nation’s star soccer players, chanting “Si se puede!” (Yes, we can.)

Captain McLaughlin once said of the El Cajon Jail, which was ultimately scrapped, “The best thing to do is to blow the whole thing up.”

Mexico’s president and citizens have good reason to believe that’s a fate that will ultimately also befall Trump’s wall.

Happy April Fool’s Day!

This article is reprinted from the award-winning East County Magazine which, along with The Moderate Voice, is a member of the San Diego Online News Association.

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