Darn. The primaries are over. And just when I finally figured out how to get myself elected to congress or maybe become a governor.
Silly me. I let a few things hold me back from making the run. Minor things that are no longer relevant. No, I don’t have experience or real qualifications for the job. So what. I don’t have specific policies or programs in mind to make things better either. What’s the problem?
I have feelings. Strong feelings that things aren’t going well. And if only I spew angry accusations I can make everything better.
Voters want answers. They want reasons to elect the likes of me to high public office. Here’s what I could have offered it only I wasn’t such a wuz:
I’m an outsider.
I will throw the bums out.
I don’t want America to become a socialist country.
I believe Obama is not even a Muslim but actually a crypto-Buddhist.
I oppose taxation of any kind.
I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore.
We’re gonna take our country back.
I’m part of a revolution.
Yes we can.
We the people can defeat Washington.
With me in office and that kind of approach to governance, the economy would be flourishing within months. Maybe weeks after my election. Bad people around the world would think twice, maybe three times, before doing what we don’t want them to do. The environment would heal itself or be subject to severe verbal abuse. Everyone would get along just fine and get exactly their true deserts because there’d be no regulators to muddy the playing field.
Sound good? You betcha. Watch for me on your local ballot in 2012.
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