I see that Hillary Clinton is falling back on an old campaign tactic – promising new jobs in a time when finding work can often be more difficult than locating your car keys in the dark. In fact, she is now promising three million of them if we’ll only forgive, forget and elect her president. This is, of course, reminiscent of how the then First Lady promised New Yorkers 200,000 new jobs during her first term if we would elect her to the Senate. The pesky fact that the Empire State actually experienced a net loss of more than 180,000 jobs during that six year period should not be trotted out too often. Let’s face it – we all like the occasional happy, empty promise to blow some sunshine up our collective skirts and restore that grand sense of bon vivant we all desire from time to time.
Leaving that aside for the moment, the subject of jobs and Senator Clinton has been on my mind a fair bit lately. Given the depressing combination of polls, analyst opinions, tea leaves and chicken entrails which all seem to indicate that Barack Obama will be kicking her to the curb at some point in the not too distant future, I’ve been wondering if perhaps Hillary really wasn’t cut out for politics. It might be time to dust off the old resume and log on to monster.com. But if not politics, what sort of employment should she seek? On yesterday’s edition of our radio show, my friend Cindy and I sat down with Rick Moran of Right Wing Nuthouse to come up with a David Letterman style top ten list of the next big job opportunity for Hillary Clinton. (You can listen to a replay of the show here if you wish.) The results may give her a few ideas for her next big career move, so I’ll share the results with you here.
10. Animal Trainer – I mean, just look who she has to work with and keep in line on a daily basis. We’re not just talking about Bill here… she’s got Mark Penn and a cast of political consultants who can’t seem to shoot straight.
9. Take Mary Matalin’s Job – Hillary as a GOP strategist? Let’s face it… the woman has done so much of the Republican party’s work for them during her primary with Barack Obama, she may as well get paid for it.
8. Fox News Morning Personality – Sound unlikely? Fox, like any other network, is in it for the money and millions of people would tune in to watch her. And besides… she could get revenge on all those liberal bloggers who have been trashing her this year.
7. Traveling Library Story Teller – And she could specialize in war stories! Ok.. ok… that was probably a cheap shot.
6. Delta Force Insertion Team Leader – (see number 7) Rumor has it that David Petraeus is considering sending her, Chelsea, Sinbad and Sheryl Crow into Basra until things are stable enough for the Marines to go in.
5. Ambassador to Mars – Had she wound up President, this was a position we were going to suggest for Bill, but a President Obama might want to send her there just to get the woman out of his hair.
4. Author of Self-Help Books – Specifically, she could write some sort of guide for women married to politicians who have affairs or chase hookers. This seems to be a growing market and an author who gets out in front of it could really cash in.
3. Animal Shelter Operator – This is another niche market, but she could open a shelter for the pets of Presidents and First Ladies who adopt them strictly for PR purposes and then discard them immediately after leaving office. Seen Socks lately? Enough said.
2. Budgeting Director for Catering Services – Don’t laugh. Las Vegas casinos routinely hire cheaters who figure out how to rip them off as security consultants. The Clinton team has figured out how not to pay their bills to caterers. She could help others avoid getting stiffed like that.
And (drum roll) the Number One New Job For Hillary Clinton…
1. LIFELOCK Spokesperson! – Ed Morrissey has moved on to Hot Air, so I believe that this endorsement deal is still open. Call now!
There you have it. Those were the ten suggestions we came up with, but if you have any better ones, please feel free to leave them in the comments.