Early election polling data indicates God will lose in every single gubernatorial and congressional race. God is also trailing in all initiatives.
Political analyst Arma Geddon said if trends hold steady, God will be unable to take control of the House or the Senate. Geddon points out that this is really a perfect storm for God. “Frankly, if these numbers are accurate, God will not be able to advance his Kingdom through any branch of government. From the executive, to the judicial, to the legislative branch, God simply does not have the votes necessary to advance his will on earth.”
In response to the new polling data, God released the following, brief statement.
“I’m glad to announce that once again you have been unable to advance what’s best about my Kingdom through what’s worst about your kingdom. Now please, next time give your money to help the widows, orphans, and poor among you.”
Satanic election polling data has not come in yet, but early returns trend towards . . .”
Doug Bursch hosts Live from Seattle on 820 AM KGNW
Douglas Bursch is the author of Posting Peace: Why Social Media Divides Us and What We Can Do About It. He also hosts The Fairly Spiritual Show podcast.