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This Just In!

July 22nd, 2007
By JOE GANDELMAN, Editor-In-Chief

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THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:

Cheney, Briefly Assuming Bush’s Duties, Says He Enjoyed The Downtime

President’s Colon Procedure Offered Welcome Break From Grueling Vice-Presidential Schedule

Vice-President Dick Cheney, having briefly assumed President Bush’s duties while the President underwent a routine colon procedure on Saturday, told reporters today that he “enjoyed the downtime immensely.”

The two hours and fifteen minutes spent doing Bush’s job were “incredibly relaxing,” Mr. Cheney said, adding that they were a welcome relief from his exacting Vice-Presidential schedule.

Invoking the Twenty-fifth Amendment to the Constitution Saturday morning, Mr. Bush transferred to Mr. Cheney all of his presidential responsibilities, which meant that Mr. Cheney spent Saturday jogging, going to the gym, and hitting a ball for Mr. Bush’s dog to retrieve.

In addition, Mr. Cheney called the nations of East Timor and Luxembourg “evil,” stumbling briefly over the pronunciation of Luxembourg.

Finally, as Mr. Bush’s colon procedure was winding down, Mr. Cheney made some remarks about the Japanese economy, mistakenly using the word “devaluation” instead of “deflation,” sending the NIKKEI stock market into a tailspin.

All in all, Mr. Cheney said he emerged from his brief tenure as President rested and refreshed, ready to plunge back into his demanding Vice-Presidential workload.

As for the President, Mr. Bush’s doctors pronounced his procedure a success, but said that they were having difficulty determining whether or not the President’s anesthesia had fully worn off.

There’s more so read the whole thing.

You can get and read Andy Borowitz’s other investigative reports here.



This entry was posted on Sunday, July 22nd, 2007 at 12:05 am and is filed under Andy Borowitz, Comedy & Humor. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

 
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