Cartoon: The Mooch
I’m not real crazy about making fun of stereotypes, except when a person is a walking stereotype. Anthony Scaramucci, come on down! If the lobby defending Italians from stereotypes in political cartoons comes after me, please note that last week Ancestry.com told me there’s a very low possibility that I’m two percent Italian. So it’s OK.
I’m also not a fan of knowing people in the news. Why? Because you start to like them which doesn’t help when you’re in the business of making fun of them and pointing out their flaws. A few weeks ago I had an interaction with Scaramucci and I have to admit, I liked the guy. He seemed like a really nice person, though he wasn’t calling me names, threatening to get me fired, or accusing me of trying to give myself oral sex.
The Mooch is the new Communications Director for the White House, and he got a better deal than most who have held that position as he reports directly to the president instead of the Chief of Staff.
Moochy was on the transition team and was in the running for a job in the administration last January, but something happened that prevented him from getting that job. It seems in Mooch’s view, the Chief of Staff, Reince Priebus, “c–k blocked” him (I don’t think the term is appropriate here as it’s usually for when one guy prevents another guy from getting laid. So unless Priebus prevented Mooch from sleeping with Donald Trump, it was used incorrectly). And you thought we were going to miss Sean Spicer.
During the campaign, Mooch endorsed Scott Walker, and then Jeb Bush, and finally he came around to Trump. He had tweeted support to Hillary Clinton in the past and a host of viewpoints that are counter to his new boss’ views. Mooch deleted all those tweets and admitted doing so as he wanted to be “transparent.” Yo, Mooch. Deleting isn’t transparent. “Transparent” means you let people see shit. Don’t be making me shake my head over here. But hey, it’s transparent that Mooch will sell out his views for a high-profile government position.
Mooch is helping fulfill every sane person’s prediction that Trump would bring chaos to the White House, and Mooch hasn’t even started on the job yet. His interview with Ryan Lizza from the New Yorker is an early indication of what sort of bedlam we have to look forward to.
Mooch, apparently with Trump’s permission, is gunning for Reince Priebus. He said “Reince Priebus — if you want to leak something — he’ll be asked to resign very shortly. … Reince is a f—ing paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac.” He then did a Priebus imitation: ” ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the f—ing thing and see if I can c-k-block these people the way I c–k-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ”
Then he said, “Yeah, let me go, though, because I’ve gotta start tweeting some shit to make this guy crazy.” He went on to tweet, “In light of the leak of my financial disclosure info which is a felony. I will be contacting @FBI and the @JusticeDeparment #Swamp @Reince45.” Yeah, he tweeted that at Reince and later deleted the tweet and said that he wasn’t accusing him of leaking, even though he told Lizza that was the very thing he was about to do, to make him go “crazy.”
One detail about the leak of his financial information: It’s actually public information so it’s not a felony. You would think a guy who went to Harvard law school would know this. A college dropout political cartoonist knows this. What don’t they teach at Harvard? Felonies and the definition of cock-blocking? Does he think cock-blocking is a felony? Well it should be.
But it gets better. He then attacked Stephen Bannon, which is always fun. He said, “I’m not Stephen K. Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own c–k. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the f—ing strength of the president. I’m here to serve the country.” Now I don’t know if Bannon has that skill set and it’s probably really difficult while wearing a Klan hood, but it would explain why he never appears in public and he always seems out of breath.
He was also upset that someone leaked to Lizza that he was having dinner with Trump and Sean Hannity. That’s understandable because who wants it known that you’re dining with Hannity? Did you see the movie Dinner For Schmucks? But, he was angry about the leak and pressured Lizza on who did it.
On this issue his tirade went as so; “You’re an American citizen, this is a major catastrophe for the American country (I’m glad he was specific on which country it’s bad for. I would have thought England. The Queen is quite cross about this). He continued, “so I’m asking you as an American patriot to give me a sense of who leaked it.” He promised to fire everyone if Lizza didn’t tell him; “I’m going to fire every one of them, and then you haven’t protected anybody, so the entire place will be fired over the next two weeks.” And then he boasted, “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you.”
Here’s a few more tips for Mooch. Journalists don’t give up their sources. Also, how in the world is it a “major catastrophe” that it was leaked that you, Hannity, and Trump were dining together? I mean, that’s further proof that Hannity is as much of a sycophant as you are, but I really don’t see how it endangers the nation unless you think it’s news to bad guys that the president stays at the White House. Dude, you went to Harvard, not Trump University (where you can enroll in Cock-Blocking 101). Act like it.
As if attacking the Chief of Staff and accusing Bannon of mouth-pleasuring himself wasn’t enough, he mused about killing the leakers and said, “What I want to do is I want to fucking kill all the leakers and I want to get the President’s agenda on track so we can succeed for the American people.” Yeah, Mooch. Democracies are run by people who kill their opponents and critics. I’m pretty sure Saddam Hussein thought he was making Iraq “great again” too.
This is fun stuff and all but I’m gonna have to ask Mooch to take an occasional day off. Every now and then I’d like to do a cartoon about something other than the Trump administration and the f—nuts he hires. Anthony follows me on Twitter so maybe he’ll see my request. I did request to attend a White House Press Briefing but that went nowhere so I’m not going to hold my breath on this one.
Is Anthony Scaramucci qualified to be White House communications director for a man who is not qualified to be president? Fuggedaboutit!
Creative notes: In my defense, Goodfellas and Casino were both on TV Wednesday night. I had mobster lingo and accents in my head all day. Plus, last night I had a meatball sandwich.
Most cartoonists will tell you the very best cartoons don’t have any words at all. I agree with that and usually the more words, the weaker the cartoon. But, I think I’m pretty decent at turning phrases and occasionally I’m going to spend three hours lettering. It’s worse than drawing crowd scenes…or grass. Yeah. We hate drawing grass.
Clay Jones can be contacted at [email protected]