Spicy Diss of Brits
by Clay Jones

Proving to the world that not everyone in the Trump administration is entirely inept, White House spokesliar Sean Spicer pulls off a daily display of bullshitting and chewing gum at the same time.

Spicer told The Washington Post that he chews, and swallows, two and a half packs of Orbit Cinnamon-flavored gum every day before noon. This guy swallows five packs of gum a day? Do you realize how much that has to clog up your system? We might need to start cutting Spicy a little slack because you’d be belligerent, hostile, and a little dense too if you hadn’t pooped in seven years.

Sean Spicer continued to double down on the lie that President Obama wiretapped the phones in Trump Tower by stating that the former president had British operatives do the deed. Their source? Some wingnut commentator for Fox News.

Trump passed the buck to Fox News also and it was during his press conference with German Chancellor Angela Merkel. His defense is that it’s not his claim and he’s just repeating what he’s heard, not passing opinion. No, Donald. You did pass opinion when you referred to Obama as “sick” and that “a lawyer could make a great case out of the fact that President Obama was tapping my phones in October, just prior to Election!”

British intelligence normally won’t comment on wild conspiracy theories but they debunked this one. A British security official said “totally untrue and quite frankly absurd. What I’d really like to do is give that wanker Yank a swift kick to his bottom.” I might have made up that last sentence.

Do you know who else rarely debunks wild crazy hoaxes and conspiracy theories? Fox News, and even they knocked this one down. Fox News anchor Shepard Smith went on the air and said “Fox News knows of no evidence of any kind that the now-president of the United States was surveilled at any time, any way. Normally we’re fine with all sorts of shit and lies but even we can’t stomach this one.” And I might have made up that last sentence too.

This may bolster Fox’s credibility a bit but hurt them in the Trump love department. Trump loves him some Fox News.

This is getting embarrassing. When Trump was a candidate he was only embarrassing himself. Later as the nominee he was shaming an entire party. Now that he’s elected and representing our nation to the world he’s making all of us look like dumbasses.

Everyone is wrong at some point. Sometimes it’s a doozy and you have to eat it with an apology and retraction. It can hurt your pride and ego. I’ve found that anytime I’ve been proven wrong that admitting it, and apologizing when necessary, is pretty easy after the fact. You get to move on with your life and maintain a bit of credibility. It makes you a big person. Donald Trump is incapable of doing that.

Retracting and admitting you’re wrong is one thing. Cleaning up a lie is a bit harder. But Trump and his goons aren’t just working for themselves. They’re working for this nation, even for people who didn’t vote for them. Admitting when you’re wrong, and apologizing to our most important ally, the United Kingdom, isn’t about your personal ego anymore. You need to do what’s best for the country you swore to defend and protect. Not go out and make things worse.

Making things worse and embarrassing us is what Trump does. During his meeting with Merkel, the leader of the free world since Obama left office, Trump refused to shake her hand during the photo-op. Later during their press conference he carried on his wiretapping nonsense and said it was at least the one thing he had in common with Merkel, that Obama had wiretapped both of them.

Trump, you have nothing in common with Angela Merkel.

Trump is a disgrace to the United States. It was on a wider display when he’s before the cameras with the most powerful leader in Europe. That means an even larger international audience than usual is watching out of concern, interest, and sheer morbid curiosity. On Friday he displayed to the entire world just what sort of ridiculous asshole he can be.

He showed his ass to the world and now the entire planet is confused on just how to deal and work with this absurd reality TV personality who doesn’t understand that being president isn’t a reality show. It’s reality.

Creative stuff: I really loved drawing this one. I love Austin Powers, well the first movie anyway. He’s almost as ridiculous as Sean Spicer. The difference is Austin Powers fought Dr. Evil. Sean Spicer works for him.

I took a little creative license with the gum. Spicy chews cinnamon and I made it blue here instead of red. Expect more cartoonists to start drawing gum in his mouth now. I’m a trendsetter, baby. I already got them drawing tape on Trump’s ties. Yeah, I’m claiming to be the first to put that feature into a cartoon.

Clay Jones can be contacted at clayjonz@gmail.com

Clay Jones
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