Cartoon: SMEARING MUELLER
If you get caught cheating on your significant other, your defense might be to blame the informer with “you’re going to believe her? She’s a big fat slut!”. The “big fat slut” defense may work if your significant other is stupid, but it doesn’t change the fact you’re guilty.
President Trump informed us, several times, that former FBI director James Comey told him three times that he was not under investigation. New reports inform us that Trump is NOW under investigation by the Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Trump is totally freaking out.
Sources close to Trump have informed the press that the president is obsessed with the investigation into his ties with Russia. They tell us he can’t stop talking about it and even TiVos morning news shows so he can watch them at night. His Twitter usage doesn’t dispel the idea that he’s a man is obsessed. Now the Trump team has taken to smearing Robert Mueller.
Yesterday, Trump tweeted “You are witnessing the single greatest WITCH HUNT in American political history — led by some very bad and conflicted people!”. This morning he tweeted “After 7 months of investigations & committee hearings about my “collusion with the Russians,” nobody has been able to show any proof. Sad!” Yes, Donald. When your henchman stonewall during Senate testimony it’s tough to find evidence.
The Special Counsel is loading for bear. He’s hired at least 12 lawyers, many with experience as prosecutors, investigators, and members of the FBI and Justice Department. They have opened the investigation into Jared Kushner’s business dealings and contacts with Russia (hard to see how going to a Russian bank has anything to do with diplomacy), and now Mike Pence is “lawyering up.”
Trump, who can barely conceal his cards, is obviously afraid of what the investigation will find. At some point, they will look at his tax returns and find out who loans him money since American banks don’t trust the Trump brand.
When Mueller was appointed as Special Counsel, Newt Gingrich praised the selection. He said Mueller was a “superb choice” and declared that “his reputation is impeccable for honesty and integrity.” Now he says it’s a “rigged game.” Newt is upset that Mueller, a Republican, has hired attorneys who have donated to Democrats in the past. He wants Mueller to hire just as many “pro-Trump” attorneys. This isn’t a bipartisan Congressional baseball game, Newt. Let’s not forget the fact that Newt is hoping his wife receives an ambassadorship from Trump.
Newt, who forgets a lot (like he’s married and probably shouldn’t stick his penis in some strange), has forgotten that the Special Counsel has to abide by Justice Department rules when hiring, and that is they can’t take political or ideological affiliation into account when hiring.
Trump’s personal legal team, led by Marc Kasowitz has issued talking points and the president’s sycophants are following them to the letter.
First, they’re upset about the leaks to The Washington Post that Trump is being investigated. They’re blaming the Special Counsel and the FBI. Trump was considering firing Mueller two days ago, so that’s when he probably found out he was under investigation, thus the leaks probably came from his staff. They’re also upset that the news of the investigation came out on Trump’s birthday. Can you think of a better gift for a lying piece of crap who has everything?
Kasowitz started off the attacks by decrying the “illegal” leaks. Remember, this guy is a lawyer and that the leaks really are not illegal.
The Republican National Committee is decrying the leaks and arguing that there isn’t a reason to investigate obstruction of justice toward Trump, who has admitted more than once that he fired Comey to end the FBI’s investigation. Sean Hannity has also called for an end to the investigation. These are people who are afraid of what will be found.
Previously, Trump has called several people to ask them to make public statements that there isn’t an investigation into him. He made the request to Comey and then fired him after he didn’t do it. Last night, a very odd statement was released from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein downplaying the investigation and warning of leaks. It sounds very much like the sort of statement Trump was asking others to make. Rosenstein should be aware that Trump funk may not completely ever wash out.
Just as Trump will face great difficulty having his word believed over James Comey’s, he will experience trouble smearing Mueller.
Mueller is the second-longest serving director of the FBI. He’s the longest-serving director who was not a crossdresser. Trump was interested in installing Mueller into that post again.
Mueller has served as a U.S. Attorney, a U.S. Assistant Attorney General for the Criminal Division, and as Acting-Deputing Attorney General. When his term expired as FBI director, President Obama asked him to stay on for two more years. He has served a Republican and a Democratic president (being appointed by both). He served in Vietnam and was awarded a Bronze Star, two Commendation Medals, the Purple Heart, and the Republic of Vietnam Cross of Gallantry. In comparison, Trump has said his “Vietnam” was the risk of acquiring a venereal disease while he was screwing around.
If Trump didn’t have anything to fear, he’d shut up and let Mueller go about his job of not finding anything. The problem for Trump is that Mueller is finding things.
Clay Jones can be reached at [email protected]