One of my favorite reads in the last decade has been Don Miguel Ruiz’s “Four Agreements”. I wish I had read it when I was a kid. But it’s never too late, and my young adult kids have benefited.
In the book, Ruiz suggests how to avoid self-limiting train of thought. These easy to understand suggestions are one path to remaining kind and fair to oneself, and the same to others.
An overview of this short but powerful book:
There are hundreds if not thousands of agreements you have made with others and with yourself. The ones made with yourself are most important. They make up your personality. Some of our agreements make us suffer and give us fear. To break them, the author suggests we use four new agreements that will override the old and harmful ones.
1) Be impeccable in your word — never go against yourself. Take responsibility for your actions but do not judge or blame yourself. Have integrity, honesty and be consistent. Your word is the power you have to create. What you feel and what you really are will be shaped by your word — your language. It creates all events in your life.
2) Don’t take anything personally — whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. You will only take it personally if you agree with what others have said. Nothing other people do is because of you. When you take something personally you are assuming they know what goes on in your world — and you may be trying to impose your world on them. Taking things personally makes you easy prey for predators as you do not want to disappoint them. I know who I am and I don’t have the need to be accepted.
3) Don’t make assumptions — the problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are truth. We swear they are real. We assume we know what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then blame them or ourselves with our words. *All the sadness and drama in our lives is rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. It is always better to ask questions than to make assumptions because assumptions set you up for suffering. Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them.
4) Always do your best — this agreement allows the others to be ingrained over time. We will fail in the first three. So we get up and start again; always doing our best — no more, no less. Keep in mind your best will always be different from one day to another. Sometimes your best will be high quality and other times it will not be as good. When you are refreshed and energized from a good night’s sleep your best will be better than if you are tired. Your best will change over time. Your best will become better than it used to be. If you do your best, there is no way anyone can judge you. And if you judge yourself you will never suffer from guilt.