Today is March 10, 2016. Karen has been dead for ten years. Sometimes it seems so very long ago since I last saw her, touched her and heard her voice. Other times I find it so very hard to believe that so much time has really passed. Seems like just a moment ago that I had to say goodbye to her. I went to one of Karen’s favorite restaurants today with Father Bill. I have only been there three times since Karen died, once with my mother, sister and brother-in-law four days after Karen’s death and twice with Father Bill in past six months. Being there is never the same as it was with Karen.
Nothing is the same without Karen. That is the most profound lesson I have learned throughout this journey with grief. Though that may seem to be such an obvious statement that it does not even need to be said or written, the impact is so far-reaching and so all-encompassing that it cannot be imagined, only experienced. I am not the same person I was before Karen walked back into my life. Nor am I the same person I was while Karen was in my life. Every aspect of my life was changed, from the most trivial and mundane to the most important. I never realized how much or how many memories of Karen such simple moments like walking in the rain would bring back to me. I never imagined how something so simple as grocery shopping or riding a bus could become so difficult without Karen by my side.
I began writing a book, When Love Is Taken My Journey With Grief about losing Karen in August 2006, just five months after Karen died. The emotions were still raw and the memories still new. I finally finished the book in January 2015, a little over a year ago. My sister was kind enough to read the book and offer suggestions and serve as proof-reader. The process was not easy for her. She was not some dis-interested third party. She knew Karen and, in some cases, was part of the story she was reading. I have been posting excerpts from the book Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday which corresponded to what happened on March 8, 9 and 10 ten years ago.
Five years ago, March 10, 2006 was on a Thursday night. Ten of us went to see the Florida Panthers play the Ottowa Senators as a way to celebrate Karen’s life. That was a special moment in time. My eighty-four year old mother went to her first and only hockey game. She died just two months and nine days later on May 19, 2011. As fate would have it, today is also a Thursday and the Florida Panthers are once again playing the Ottowa Senators. I thought about going to the game. But being there alone and without both Karen and my mother would have been much too difficult.
Moderately liberal, liberally moderate, American flag waving Democrat! Bachelor of Arts in History with concentration in Early American History and Abraham Lincoln
Graduate student pursuing a Master of Arts Degree online in American History at Southern New Hampshire University