While it may sound odd, the one person I’m really feeling sorry for is Robert Gibbs. He’s the communications director for Barack Obama and is generally the Go To Guy when any of the 24 hour news beast shows want to trot out somebody for a comment from the Obama campaign. Unlike Team McCain, who regularly send Rick Davis out into the lion’s den, you rarely see David Plouffe making the rounds. Instead, it’s poor Bob Gibbs who gets to take the bullet. But why would I feel sorry for him at this point in time?
The tone Gibbs takes during interviews now has changed quite a bit. Previously, both campaigns would hurl charges at each other and Robert would lead the charge out there on television, answering the accusations and firing back with new allegations of his own. Now, with the last debate in the books and nearly a week for the polls to settle out, Obama still seems to have a narrowing but comfortable lead in the national numbers and most of the news from the swing states has been good. But Gibbs knows that such leads have evaporated overnight before and swing states carry that name for a reason. As such, Gibbs seems to be looking at election night victory as if it were a tiny, colorful, beautiful song bird perched there on a branch just out of his reach, and he’s afraid to make any sudden movements or speak too loudly lest it flutter away beyond his reach forever. With only two weeks to go, you can almost hear the prayer he’s saying each morning before he puts on his power suit to head on out to meet the media.
Oh dear, sweet Baby Jesus. Thirteen days. That’s all we need. I don’t know what sin we committed in 2000 and 2004, but on November 5th I’ll atone for all of them however You like. Please, oh Lord, just let the economy stay in the tank for thirteen more days. And Dear God, don’t let them ask me questions about anything else. Or, if they do, Sweet Jesus, let me find a way to tie John McCain do George Bush and bring the conversation back to the economy. Amen.
Robert has been making most of his appearances early in the morning, and I’m pretty sure I know why. He’s got his Blackberry tuned in for full-time streaming on the stock market. Every time the Dow Jones goes up by more than one hundred he starts tossing back shots of tequila.
Tomorrow he’ll be back on Morning Joe, and I can probably save you the time of watching it. Odds are good that it will play out something like this.
Joe: Thanks for coming back, Robert. This week Nancy Pfotenhauer said that some parts of Virginia aren’t the “real Virginia” and Michelle Bachmann said some Democrats may be un-American. What do you think about that?
Gibbs: Well, Joe, I think we all know that’s not true. And of course the real un-American thing is to leave people struggling under this terrible economy which, as we all know, is the result of eight years of Bush-McCain economic policies!
Pat Robertson: Robert, recently Joe Biden said he thought that some sort of crisis would be waiting for a President Obama to “test him.” Do you think that was a smart move?
Gibbs: Pat, Joe can speak for himself, but the real test ahead of us is how we’re going to recover from these last eight years of Bush-McCain economic policies. I think that’s what most Americans want to know, don’t you?
Mica: Robert, one of the more disturbing questions that came up this week was why the media wasn’t out looking to interview Barack Obama’s drug dealer. Do you think that’s an appropriate type of question to raise during this campaign?
Gibbs: Mica, I think we all know that Senator Obama doesn’t have anything to do with illegal drugs. But if he did, he’d probably be worried about how he would afford any cocaine! I mean, even drug users are having a hard time affording their fix after eight years of Bush-McCain economic policies, and that’s something I think we can all agree on.
Mica: I see… ummm, well… now that the Sox have been knocked out of the playoffs, who are you rooting for in the World Series?
Gibbs: Well, Mica, ummm, ha ha… I may not know much about baseball, but I bet if you asked John McCain that question he’d have to go consult with President Bush before he could give you a prediction. Ha ha. Did you know he voted with Bush 90% of the time?
Mica: No, Bob, really. I was just wondering if you were a fan of either….
Gibbs: BUSH! BUSH-McCAIN! McCAIN-BUSH! ECONOMY! AAAARRRRGGGHH!
At that point he probably just rushes out of the studio sobbing. There you go. I just saved you fifteen minutes tomorrow morning.