Bridal Registry for Bristol

Now that America’s Sweethearts are reunited and planning to wed, they will need household gifts beyond the usual place settings and silver. Herewith a few gift suggestions for well-wishers:

*Caller ID to block incoming messages from anyone named Palin or Johnston.

*His and her DVDs of the 2005 Jane Fonda movie, “Monster-in-Law.”

*Subscriptions to Time and Newsweek to class up their coffee table by covering copies of Us, People and Playgirl for the filming of their new reality show.

*Services of a new ghost writer for Bristol’s paid speeches on teen-age pregnancy to finesse the fact that it can lead to fame, fortune and magazine covers.

MORE.