When Friends And Some Readers Say They Hate Your Blog

Anyone who has even briefly done a weblog had it happen.

You spend all this time writing, thinking, cutting out other things in your day to “post” to your weblog. You expect people will read it, and you understand that some people will disagree with you and…and then this happens: somebody hates YOU for what you wrote, or thinks you’re dumb for “wasting” your time on a blog. It happens….

…as it did to
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1117848662.shtml”>Dean Esmay:”I had an old friend recently tell me–after reading maybe a tenth of what I’d written on this blog in the last few weeks–that he thought I was a fascist. I nearly lost it. The real test of the warrior is not what others think. It is to know yourself, and the truth about yourself: the good and the bad. And to know what you fight for, and why.”

It also happened to the blogger known as Baldilocks:”The bad news: not only does he hate my blog, but equates any political wrangling to cock-fighting or some other back-alley hobby. (He had enough sense of self-preservation not to equate it with a certain ancient profession, however.) For so long I was fortunate. However, it was bound to happen sooner or later: someone I have known for a long time, cared about and whose opinion I respected would slam my efforts here. Hard. Worse, he made me feel guilty; as though—by engaging in this “cock-fightingâ€? that I’m slighting my service to the Lord.”

Or, even more typically, a reader disagrees with a point and then writes a furious, angry comment — as if he’s shouting and in a deep personal rage…all because he disagrees with you. Or, someone pigeonholes you and tries to define you by using the most extreme label possible. Or questions your motives.

But the worst is definitely what Dean Esmay and Baldilocks experienced: an unfettered rejection of what you do by a friend or loved one. I had my instance:

I owe a huge debt to someone who helped me through a difficult period in my life. This person became almost a surrogate parent and a mentor who did nothing but encourage me in my studies, writing and, later on journalism. He, like many, was puzzled when I left a full time news media job to go into an admittedly low-rung part of entertainment and do some freelancing. And then we lost touch (TMV has been through many time-consuming crises over the years).

So it stands to reason when I started the blog I would happily let him know that I was writing on a regular basis again — and send him a few of the most important posts.

HUGE mistake.

One day I got the phone call:”Joe, I’m very busy and I really don’t have time for chat rooms. I’m not interested at all in getting emails from you about what you’re writing in your chat room. I have limited time for what I have to do and I keep my email clear so I would appreciate it if you don’t email me again in the future.” He sounded furious.

This was someone I knew, admired, and who changed my life. His opinion meant more to me than almost anyone’s. He had never been negative before yet in one fell swoop he brushed this new medium of blogging and belittled all the hours spent on this site. Didn’t he understand what those of us who do weblogs try to do?

The answer is: probably not, and in the end him appreciating it truly isn’t what matters.

Yes, I was devastated. This was before The Moderate Voice gained a semblance of recognition — which was coupled with equal revulsion from the right and the left. But that brings us full circle to Dean Esmay’s comment. So we’ll offer some thoughts here.

• It doesn’t matter what a friend or loved one thinks. If the key to weblogs is honesty, then a friend or loved one may understandably not appreciate what writers on weblogs write because, more often than not, its more blunt and detailed than what someone would say verbally. They used to say journalism was “history in a hurry.” Blogs are “journalism and op-ed pages in a hurry.”
• Some people can’t understand a hobby or perceived part-time job (if you look at blogs that way) as being worthwhile because people are using their free time on something that doesn’t produces income. But WHY? How many people spend time their free time watching TV shows, napping or reading novels? Why don’t they use THEIR free time producing income? Because it’s FREE TIME.
• What is blogging? So far it is (for most) a new news medium that can bring rewards (recognition, a productive hobby, a way to constantly fine-tune writing and reasoning skills plus a way to meet via the Internet some very interesting people who are NOT in chat rooms talking about their hot weekend date with a sheep.)
• If you’re honest when you write, some people may not like it and some people may automatically hate you. But in the end getting links is not as important as being honest and making your case. That’s YOUR case — not what you think other bloggers, political partisans or your Uncle Sid want to hear. I’ve talked to three bloggers who now sleep better at night due to bloging. Why? Because they were true to themselves and put their pent up feelings, passions and political positions on their site.
• Never be upset by comments on posts. People ask me: why don’t you answer the comments more? It’s because I’m always behind on everything and have to choose between doing posts and answering comments. I chime in once in a while. But I respect people who leave comments showing they disagree with me because they’ve taken the time to lay out their case. It’s an HONOR that they consider this site a place where they can debate..and that they return to give me hell (but it’s nicer when it’s THOUGHTFUL hell instead of just name calling).
• “Flaming” does hurt. Let’s not be hypocritical. We draw the line on abusive language or nonstop personal name-calling attacks. But, again, healthy criticism and debate is what blogs are all about.
• No one is unanimously liked. Bill Cosby talks about “the Face” in every audience — how an entertainer can do a show for an audience of 10,000 smiling people. But it’s that ONE FACE that isn’t smiling that the entertainer will zero in on and get upset by. Someone will NOT like you if you’re honest. And that could be a friend or mentor.
• Always remember that these days when people disagree with you there is a tendency to put down and demonize. That seems to be the 21st Century style.
• Blogs are a new frontier. They’re just becoming prominent. To those who don’t read them, it’s puzzling why anyone would write something for FREE and spend all that time on it. And the fact that blogs lend themselves to total, free expression of OPINION is dismaying to some…especially if they don’t agree with what you write.

There’s more that could be said.

But always remember that in ANYTHING you do there will be people encouraging you and people discouraging you.

Some will think you’re wonderful. Others will think you smell.

Perhaps for all of us who have weblogs the truth lies somewhere in between.

But that never stopped a blogger from writing another post.