After-Midnight Blogger: High Up People Write Poetically To Strangers Edition
Mar 27th, 2009 | 4 responses
The Electronic Letter Makers
they are polite
always wealthy
but have one tiny trouble,
so much money, but
the wrong visa
or safety deposit box key
is missing
or the country is under siege
and the money sewn into pillows,
or a bank account has been abandoned
by a dead person…
and all that is needed
is a stranger– us– to wave the magic
wand of incredulity…
and for cooperating with the very high up person
and smuggling their money somewhere, somehow,
they will give us half.
All we have to do is give them a surety bond
composed of all the money
we have ever owned in our whole lives…
…and soon we will be high up too.
I wonder late at night, what kind of formation
have these letter writers had who write in near
Elizabethan English,
and I wonder who replies to them via their spam blasts
that read this way…
“from Mrs. Jane:
My Dear, if I can be of assistance to you
helping me help you
invest my entire accounts from my country
to your bank account in your country…
in order to invest in a four star (why not five?)
hotel…
and…
All In CAPS:
FROM THE DESK OF MR LAMBATA KALUNGA
AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK (ADB)
OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO.
I KNOW THAT THIS EMAIL WILL BE A BIG SURPRISE TO YOU,
BUT I WANT YOU TO CALM DOWN AND READ VERY CAREFULLY.
THE AMOUNT OF MONEY INVOLVED IS ($8,700:000:00) WHICH I WANT
TO TRANSFER OUT OF THE COUNTRY TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT,
ALL TO MY FINANCIAL BENEFIT
…AND YOURS TOO. AND ALSO TO TAKE MY WIFE
TO ABROAD FOR TREATMENT OF LIVER DAMAGE.
THIS MONEY IS OWNED BY A MAN CALLED JIN SUN.
HE HAS BEEN DEAD FOR YEARS AGO AND SINCE THEN,
NO CLAIM HAS BEEN PLACED ON HIS BANK …
YOU SHALL PRESENT YOURSELF AS A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE
TO THE DECEASED PERSON[JIN SUN]
AS DETAILS SHALL BE THAT YOU ARE THE CARE-TAKER BUSINESS ASSOCIATE
TO MR. JIN SUN AND HIS PROPERTIES….
and I read on, and think, how musical the name, and yet, how shall I present myself to a dead person’s family sense of honor and pretend that I am his relative, even at the end of all oddity… for I am a Latina, and Mr. Jin Sun is most likely Asian or African. And I shall be his what? His wife’s cousin’s mad-dog pirate’s booty stolen from the Yucatan years ago?
And I wonder, where was this letter writer who says, “calm down’ when the world has really needed such a kind word throughout life on planet earth. Where was Mr. ALL CAPITAL LETTERS then?
And I wonder if he knows how surreal my life often is, and that his letter is not even the smallest bit of surprising to me, as he imagines in writing, particularly to one who sometimes thinks she understands the domicile of Merlin… in the future, living backward. And that makes me laugh, that last thought. How we have to move to metaphors to explain the weirdnesses of our lives.
And I wish sometimes I could answer these scam letters that often begin with a blessing. One I received today reads… Salam my friend, insha allah…. and goes on to say, ‘compliments of the season,’ and other flowery things that have an old fashioned charm to them.
I just want to ask a couple questions. Not, Does anyone ever really answer you? Not even, Why are you doing this?
But, rather, Tell me where you learned this ornate English, and what life was like for you as a child while learning? If I could ask, and they would tell the truth, I think we might piece together most of the story of why they spend their days writing and sending such dramaturgical letters to strangers… written in less than half-true voice, and more than half in falsity.
But most of all, I wonder if they are hungry and if some charlatan came through the village, selling a letter to copy into the local 3 wall library’s computer, having promised the poor people, that ‘rich’ people from other countries will answer them and send money right away. I wonder/worry if there is a big scammer who scammed all the little scammers… or if instead all the letters come from a single person, or a syndicate.. then I think about how all creativity to make such letters, could have by now, been laid into a series of suspense novels that would have made more money than soliciting strangers to be smugglers ever will.
4 Responses to “After-Midnight Blogger: High Up People Write Poetically To Strangers Edition”
NPR did a segement once about people here in the U.S. that had taken the bait. . .
Who knows it might be a subsidiary of Bernie Madoff. . .
Here's more than you really wanted to know about this, compliments of Wikipedia. The State Department collects copies of these letters.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance_fee_fraud
Thank YOU for posting this Doc!
I thought I was being singled out for some sin I commited in a previous life or something.
It's good to know I'm not alone… Sad to hear that it's such a big racket (someone HAS to be replying to these idiots or they wouldn't bother to continue to send them, eh?).
da Ghosty
well Geez, Greendreams, that is really quite an article. Thank you for giving the link. Essentially, for readers; this scam has been going on for several decades and is based on a letter writing by hand set of scams before that. It does appear that a good many did originate offshore and via Africa, one supposition being that actually a group of students at an African U. began the ongoing scam. There also is a far darker side to persons drawn into the scams being kidnapped and murdered. There have been prosecutions and convictions, but also the move from handwritten or typed solicitation letters to electonic ones has made some tracing more difficult. The aggregate amounts of money scammed by persons who apparently initially believe this is a once in a life time chance to cash in one something slightly shady to begin with, is apparently huge. From what I read in GreenDreams link, the people are not scammed so much, as they are drawn by thinking they might participate in a shady deal with profit and no down side. Boy.
and Ghost… that's what I call you, Ghost… smile, I think they use robot software that takes email addresses from all unprotected websites and servers. Thou aint alone.
And River, Mr. Madoff. You know, I wouldnt be surprised. I spoke to a friend in ny who is famliar with the law there, and my one question was What's Madoff up to that he caved so completely, what's in it for him? His reply, in part, was in order protect a pile of people who are accessories to the fact of the crime. Honor among theives is a strange thing…
dr.e