Thanks to you both! You've both given me quite a bit to think on and a lot of encouragement as well.
Also…it's nice to have support.
Thanks!

Ghosty

I spent some time asking the psychological questions as to why i smoked. . .and was able to see the reason was toxic. . .my mother would hide from my father and smoke, when she would get caught i would say they where mine and then stage an adolescent defiance trying to model a upfront NO to domination . . but alas she was from a different generation of women. . . So i think those questions of how you got there and what keeps it going are important to bring to the surface.

Then i read how many of the major companies put over 500 different additives and many of them are to enhance addition. . .and that was additional impetus to quit . . . ( defiance lead me to take the first cigarette and found a defiance to made it much easier to smoke the last one.. . .mercy!) . . .So i spent some time searching out brands that had no additives and allowed the body to detox from the additives first before taking on the nicotine addiction. . . I tried the Native Brand, i think it is called American Eagle but found there are many other no additive brands that are not as harsh. . . .

When i was ready to quit went and sat at the feet of Durga the Universal Mother at the HIndu temple and surrendered it, then came home and took a long walk and found that place of “total resolve within”. . .this time i did not throw away the cigarettes, but put the last pack in a drawer. . . The final strategy was i would only allow one thought expression; SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION.. . . I refused to allow the mind to engage in getting looped into thinking about smoking thus signaling desire. . .

I quit 12 years ago. . .and what was strange i did not experience withdraw and did not go through craving. . . it was so much easier than the previous attempts. . .the pack of cigarettes are still in the drawer. . .there was something about the control being from within rather than the cigarettes being non accessible helped.

It is really nice not smoking. . .i wish you the best Ghosty. . .and be kind to yourself each step of the way, for your good will get you there when its right. . .

dr.e

I did note also all else you wrote river. It's here, you know where.

dr.e

I very much liked how you put it about golf, and guess who I was thinking about while I was writing? If it hadnt been the middle of the night, I would have called you up and asked, do I have this close to right? I like the part where you said it is the hunt. I can see that.

dr.e

and, re cigarettes, I suggest seeing a hypnotherapist or an NLP person, and preparing yourself to stop dead stop, and then doing it. You cant wean gradually; the neuro receptors suck that stuff up and just drive you straight into the wall to crave more. Think of addicts who crash. Their bodies push them, not their minds so much.

Prepare your fam and friends that you will likely be nasty-tense-testy for about two weeks. Nicotine is a pseudo relaxant. You must find another way to relax. It helps to take deep breaths instead. It helps many people to drink lots of water, chew gum, chew a toothpick, use mouthwash. Many different things can help. 5% help here, 6 percent there, 10 percent there, the self-helps all add up.

The way I did it 23 years ago… had to stop going to same restaurant for lunch every day. Everyone smoked. And the 'ritual' of smoking, a man's hands cupped around mine, that last signal gallantry was hard to give up. But had to. I could see where it all was leading. Needed to be as clean in food and body as possible in order to 'see'. I still adore dark chocolate. I dont drink. Nature is most often enough. And laughing. And poetry. And love. And silliness that hurts no one.

Again, plan your date to quit, prepare yourself and others, keep a sad/mad journal, take lots of walks, dont go to places y ou used to frequent and smoke. Cuss alot, that's what some people do. Drink hot tea to go to sleep. Practice meditation or relaxation techniques, seriously. You can do it, and I think most of us who have quit for a long time, at first tried to say we could taper off. We couldnt. Hang in there. You have to pre-plan and get ready. Seriously think of all the sneaky things the monkey mind does to crib quitting. When you're ready, you're ready. And you'll smell fresh, and not burn holes in your clothes anymore, and m ost of all, your lungs which are supposed to have flexible sacs like fluffy angel hair will unstick themselves from all the tar in cigarettes, and you'll be able to breathe as you were meant… freely

dr.e

Golf is a myriad of things. It is the hunt, the weather, the company, the flora, the fauna, and mostly the knowledge that every shot, by skill or luck, has the possibility of greatness.

So, I covered up the bigger window with one of those huge beach towels to block out the light and put on a CD. Halfway through the CD I finally fell asleep.
In my humble opinion, we are turning into a nation of INSOMNIACS and I really need to figure my sleep issues out (not to mention the nicotine thing).
Just my two cents worth.
Ghosty

PS If ANYONE has some advice or info on quitting smoking (not half way, all the way) PUH LEASE let me know. No one I know even believes I'm going to quit now cuz I am just not getting it done and that's embarrassing.
Sniff ..
Oh well. It could be worse …
It could be …uh …heroine or crack cocaine or …argh.
sigh
No… making promises to yourself and breaking them is “the worst.”
I keep hearing that phrase play in my mind, over and over again, “There's always a reason but never an excuse.”
In any case…
Night night.

But there is something about golf that exhibits qualities in the masculine i am drawn, such as; composed and seemingly relaxed negotiation of the course, the external weather elements along with the internal skill, focus both narrow and wide ranged, proficiency, confidence, missing the mark with dignity and hitting the mark with humility, the internal and external attentiveness to self, other, and environment. Dr. E. i chose celibacy a number of years ago, and i am happy and really good at it, but if i where to enter an external relationship it would be to the ideal masculine of golf. . . lol!

Disclaimer: ( i do not mean to offend and say that golf is a man's sport)

Dr. E. the last two paragraphs are most beautiful. . .it takes me to country walks at night in nature, in all kinds of seasons and weather conditions. . .so much mystery where the best kinds of silence can be experienced. . . it is both prayer and reverence as i allow the images to kaleidoscope as the nighttime covers. . .thanks. . .