Scientific Breakthrough: Three Ply Toilet Paper

Toilet paper manufacturers sometimes come under fire for flimsy one- or two-ply rolls and they used to have to turn the other cheek, but now there’s good news for those concerned with the real bottom line: three-ply toilet paper.

If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that’s what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope.

Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific’s Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as “ultra-soft” and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a “sanctuary for quality time.”

And why not? Once upon a time there were one-razor-blade razors. Now there are two, three, four and perhaps 8 -blade razors in America’s future.

Is it coincidental that news that extra-strength three-ply toilet paper comes along during one of the dirtiest presidential campaigns in American history?

No matter: it’s a big scientific development on the personal hygiene front, and researchers are flush with victory. Now the product exists. Will customers take the plunge(r)?