A progressive Democrat and a conservative Republican were walking together one day on the sidewalk alongside a busy downtown street. They were arguing about various public policies, what to do about the growing number of unemployed Americans, and whether President Obama was partially or fully to blame for the current economy. Then they stopped and observed the following:
An unemployed man was standing in the middle of the sidewalk asking for work. His months of endless Internet applications, job fairs, and endless networking efforts had gone nowhere. Almost half of the retail, commercial and office spaces on this downtown street were now vacant. He was clean-shaven, hair combed, and forcing a smile. He stood in an old, tattered, blue suit, white shirt and red tie handing out his resume to people walking by. Most were uninterested in him but some took his resume. Some looked it over briefly; others laughed at it; and most simply dumped it into a nearby garbage can. Other pedestrians gave the man some money because he said he needed to support his recently-unemployed spouse and their two young children, though most people doubted that claim.
After about 30 minutes of this desperate sidewalk marketing effort, the unemployed man gathered his discarded resumes from nearby garbage cans and started the process over. He suddenly got a call on his 2-year-old basic cellular phone. He was thrilled that someone would want to meet with him tomorrow at 10am about a job. He stopped his job search efforts for a moment to smile broadly and looked upwards to say “thank you.”
Suddenly two youths, who had likely skipped high school that day, ran up to the unemployed man. They physically attacked him, took his wallet, and started running away. Of course none of the other people on the sidewalk – including the Democrat and Republican – did anything but watched dispassionately. The man yelled out to the robbers, “Just take the cash but please leave me my ID cards, driver’s license, and pictures of my family.” The two youths looked back, opened the wallet, seized the small amount of cash and tossed the wallet into the middle of the busy street. The man rushed without looking into the street to reclaim his wallet.
Suddenly the unemployed man was struck by a speeding limousine occupied by six partying fraternity boys from the local elite private college. The limo slowed down, the occupants looked at the injured man, and then they sped away. Other cars slowed down to drive around the prostrate and injured man but no driver or pedestrian came to the man’s aide who was still lying injured in the street. Finally, the Democrat and Republican walked out into the street together to divert the other drivers and discuss what to do next.
The injured man pulled out his old cell phone and while gasping to the Democrat asked him to please call 9-1-1. The Democrat took the phone and said to the man that he really needed the latest high-tech cell phone that calls 9-1-1 automatically while simultaneously surfing the Internet for good local restaurants – just as his new cell does. He also suggested that the injured man lose some weight and buy a new suit in order to improve his job interviewing chances. The Democrat then said to the man how terrible was it for those rich people in the limousine to not stop and that we should really tax those people more in order to pay for 9-1-1 services and the healthcare services he likely would require. Then without calling 9-1-1, the Democrat handed the man’s cell phone to his Republican companion.
The Republican asked the Democrat if he felt better now and the Democrat smiled and sighed a satisfied “yes.” The Republican then slammed the man’s cell phone on the roadway, smashing it into dozens of useless pieces. He then looked down at the injured man and told him that he was irresponsible for jumping into the busy street, that he was lazy not to purchase medical insurance for these hit-and-run cases, and that he was lucky he still had unemployment benefits. Then the Republican kicked the man in the groin. The Democrat then calmly asked his Republican companion whether he felt better. The Republican broadly smiled and loudly replied “yes!”
Both the Democrat and Republican returned to the sidewalk leaving the injured man still in the street. Neither used their cell phones to call 9-1-1 because they assumed other onlookers would call – but none of them did either. They had to meet with their stock brokers for lunch and they didn’t want to be late. They both complimented each other for doing a good deed together. They agreed that in many cases, Democrats and Republicans could work together for their non-partisan collective best interests.
Meanwhile the unemployed man left injured in the middle of the street tried to crawl back to the sidewalk by himself, but he was run-over a second time by a delivery truck owned by a large multi-national corporation. The driver of this truck did stop. He called 9-1-1 and made a police statement. He then contacted the company’s claims and legal departments to handle the rest. With tears in his eyes, the driver told police he did not notice the man because he was simultaneously on the phone with a delivery client and his angry supervisor; that he was running late looking at the buildings for street addresses; and all the while the injured man suddenly crawled from one lane to another in front of him and not in any marked crosswalk.
Shortly thereafter, the limousine that first hit the unemployed man ran into another limousine a few miles away. Therefore the information concerning the occupants, drivers, and owners of the limousines were put into the public record. An observant and smart police detective put the cases together based upon the testimony of one homeless person who happened to see the first accident and was one of the few witnesses willing to talk to the police.
The unemployed man’s family and close friends were devastated by his death, but no one else who witnessed what happened that day ever gave another thought to that unemployed man. It was hard enough for the police to find more than a handful of witnesses to make worthwhile statements about the accident.
One person who was very concerned about this man and his family was the attorney hired by the man’s widow to protect her family’s legal interests. A civil lawsuit was filed against all the parties who ran over the man. However insurance company settlements would only be offered after at least a year of legal discovery had passed and numerous legal motions had been ruled upon. Local police and prosecutors decided not to file any criminal charges against any individuals.
The family’s attorney is still trying to get various witnesses to cooperate and he’s still hunting for the Democrat and Republican. Some legal colleagues told the attorney that they probably wouldn’t be found liable. But on the positive side, there would be enough insurance policies to eventually and adequately resolve all the personal injury claims the attorney had properly and timely filed.
See? There is a happy ending – sort of.
Submitted 9/19/11 by Marc Pascal ranting happily from Phoenix, Arizona.