August 20, 2016
Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Baby DonDon’s campaign diary. The series imagines that “Mr.” Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Baby DonDon.
My hair! My hair! Can someone please help me?
Christ, the system is so freakin’ rigged! Yesterday, a Federal judge recommended that sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Arizona—my little Joe!—be indicted for contempt because of his refusal to stop racially profiling Latinos. Jeez, that’s like indicting Sarah Palin for not making any sense. Hello?
It is so unfair.
Sheriff Joe—my little Joe!—if you are indicted, send along the prosecutor’s name to Baby DonDon and then we’ll see if he wants to proceed with the case after Mike Tyson pays a visit. Worst case, you scare up enough votes for me and I guarantee there’s a pardon in your future.
Did you catch Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte’s I-don’t-give-a-sh-t apology for lying about being held up at gunpoint? That was ballsy. I love how he was pissed that the security guard drew a gun on him after he vandalized the service station. Then the guy with the gun demanded he sit down, but Ryan stands up and starts yelling. The stuff of champions, Ryan.
Long story short, I’ve hired Ryan. Yes, it is I, Baby DonDon, the job creator, friend of the little guy, the man with a heart as big as my Trump Tower triplex who is giving this poor, poor man a second chance.
Is that great or what? It’s okay to cheer now.
Ryan will initially concentrate on disseminating false, yet vicious, stories about Crooked Hillary. After I win, we’ll find something for him at the State Department.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes a daily anti-Trump humor page at https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.